Classic Ignorance – Convicts
Tuesday June 14th 2005,
Filed under: Classic Ignorance
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Many of you can no doubt recall Big Mike’s one-album stint as a Geto Boy, as he replaced Willie D on ‘Till Death Do Us Part. It proved to be enjoyable enough but lacked the abrasive Shout-Rap stylings we’ve grown to love from the "Clean Up Man". Mike later went on to a well-received solo career, and made a serious of sensible, intelligent albums. It was his first release, as a member of the Convicts with rap partner 3-2, that Mike really shined. Their self-titled debut has stood the test of time as not only one of the finest Rap-A-Lot releases ever, but more importantly as a testament to the genius of ignorant rap.

A number of valueable lessons for today’s misguided youth can be found within the grooves of this LP. Whether addressing problems with H-Town’s "edgemication" system ("Fuck School"), thoughtful examinations of modern-day relationships ("Whoop Her Ass"), tales of innocent romance ("I Love Boning") or just helpful lessons in hygine ("Wash Your Ass"), Convicts has it all. Set to classic, old-style Houston beats (none of that keyboard shit here, strictly harmonicas and church organs), the two crowning jewels of this long-player (no homo), are "1-900-Dial-A-Crook" and "Illegal Aliens".

"Dial-A-Crook" (listed as "Dail-A-Crook" on the LP) features the legendary Geto Boys helping out at the call centre, which provides step-by-step instructions in stealing a car (Big Mike), cooking crack (3-2),  whacking somebody (Scarface) and finally advice on assassinating Saddam Hussein during the Gulf War (Willie D and Bushwick Bill). There are also timeless cameos by a Mexican dude and a "cracka-ass cracka".

"Illegal Aliens", at a generous running time of 6 minutes and 22 seconds, remains to this day as without a doubt the most racist rap song ever recorded, making headline-grabbing efforts such as Ice Cube‘s "Black Korea" and "Horny Lil’ Devil" sound softer than Heavy D in comparison. According to 3-2, "thanks to wetbacks I can’t get hired on a trash truck", while Mike offers "bad enough we have to worry about these motherfuckin’ whites – now we got foreiners!". Asians and Nigerians ("calling themselves doctors, motherfucker you can’t speak English well enough!") are next to cop a serve, and just when you think they’ve covered everyone… the Cubans get called out! Whatever happened to "Buck The Devil"?

Convicts – 1-900-Dial-A-Crook (Convicts, Rap-A-Lot, 1991)

Convicts – Illegal Aliens (Convicts, Rap-A-Lot, 1991)

Bonus: Snoop Doggy Dogg featuring the Convicts – Playing 4 Keeps [thanks to Dark Gable for this dope track].

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18 Comments so far
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haha I have never had the pleasure of hearing this album and can’t check the MP3’s yet as I’m at work but that review makes it sound like the best record ever made.

Comment by bob disaster 06.15.05 @

Great choice. Agreed about it being one of the best things Rap-A-Lot have released. It’s better than the Odd Squad album and every Geto Boys album, apart from “grip it..” and “we can’t be stopped”

It pains me that don’t have the lyrics to any Convicts, especially the classic “illegal aliens”.

I really do feel that “wash your ass” doesn’t get enough love, though.

Comment by Brian Beck From Wisconsin 06.15.05 @

“It pains me that don’t have the lyrics to any Convicts”

^ Excellent point. Someone need to transcribe that shit.

Comment by Robbie 06.15.05 @

my man benny asked once asked me if i “wanted to hear one of the most ignorant hip-hop songs ever made.” he proceeded to play ‘illegal aliens’ for me and i was hooked. early rap-a-lot is most definitely slept on.

Comment by Ack 06.15.05 @

I don’t know if it is on this album, but they also had a song with Snoop from around the same time period. It sounds like it might have been recorded before Snoop hooked up with Dre, but it is kinda tight.

Comment by Anonymous 06.16.05 @

I’d love to hear that track. Big Mike and Snoop used to live together back in the days. Snoop shouts him out when he said “Smoke ’em and choke ’em like the motherfuckin’ Peterman”.

Comment by Robbie 06.16.05 @

Anyone know what ever happened to Big Mike?

Comment by M 06.17.05 @

Here is the Snoop and the Convicts song I was talking about earlier. It’s called Playing For Keeps.

Comment by Dark Gable 06.18.05 @

Ever since J – Zone spoke on The Convicts LP in
his column in HHC. I’ve been fiending for audio.

Comment by Size 13 06.20.05 @

That Snoop track is nice, thanks for throwing that one up.

Not sure what “The Peterman” is up to these days.

Comment by Robbie 06.20.05 @

Oh shit, this Snoop/Convicts song is ill.

The slightly slowed-down “scorpio” sampleis killin’ it for me.

Comment by Brian Beck From Wisconsin 06.20.05 @

The Peterman is the shit, and where is Lord 3-2? Holla At the Vicious One Mayne. Oh and dem boys..dem dem Convicts, they the bomb!

Comment by ViciousLeeDEFIV 06.20.05 @

Convicts album was ignorant but it was dope. most of the other Rap-A-Lot shit that came out around the same time (gangsta nip, terroists, prince johnny c,) wasnt up to par with Convicts.

Comment by neil nice 06.21.05 @

“Convicts album was ignorant but it was dope”

My point exactly. As far as I ‘m concerned:

ignorant = dope

The Terrorists were pretty shitty, although “Blem Dem Hoes Up” is a great name for a song.

Comment by Robbie 06.21.05 @

can someone repost that snoop joint?

Comment by thesurgeongeneral 06.25.05 @

“can someone repost that snoop joint?”

Done. I’ve added it to the main post.

Comment by Robbie 06.26.05 @

aaah. that snoop shit is so hot. what are the origins of that?

i remember there were rumors that dre was trying to sign the convicts to death row at one point.

Comment by noz 07.16.05 @

“what are the origins of that?”
No idea I’m afraid. I guess when they shared a house they recorded it as a demo maybe.

I remember that Death Row rumour. The best one was K-Solo signing with Suge, which wuld have made no sense whatsoever unless The Row were moving into boxing.

Comment by Robbie 07.19.05 @

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