When I was younger, I tried to steer clear of rap videos, since they were almost always a let-down. A song such as “Follow The Leader” paints such a vivid visual picture in your head when you hear it that some low-budget Untouchables style video could never hope to do it justice.1
Admittedly, the introduction of chicks in bikinis, hot-pants and various other slutty gear helped me watch some awful songs over the years, but the rest of the time it’s just the same old “walk through the block with your weed carriers” scenario. Apart from the stock-standard video concepts, in the late 80’s and early 90’s there was a lot more experimental style clips being made, as they tried to do something different with very limited budgets. Sometimes they were a little too different…
Unkut.com’s Top Three Cheesiest Rap Videos Ever:
3. “Ring The Alarm” Fu-Schnickens
As much as I’m ashamed to admit it, I copped the first Fu-Schnickens tape when it came out, on the strength of the three songs that Tribe Called Quest did the beats for. For those of you lucky enough to have never heard them, the Fu’s were the first group to really rock the whole Kung-Fu vibe in their music and videos. Unlike the Wu-Tang Clan, however, they did it in a really cheesy manner by setting their first clip in a flying Chinese take-out box. Almost as stupid as the fact that Jive Records released a Greatest Hits LP of these guys when they only ever released two LPs!
2. “You Gots To Get Down” Kwame
Choosing the cheesiest clip in this kid’s resume was really tough, considering that every video featured polkadots and dudes with blonde streaks in their flat-tops. But there is no doubt that this effort takes the cake, as this clip manages to showcase just about every horrible fashion trend from the late 80’s and combine it with my other pet hate – dudes pretending to play musical instruments in videos! Kwame new his shit when it came to beats, but his various “Bone Age” themed videos indicate that he should never be allowed near a camera again.
1. “Blue Cheese” UMC’s
Not only was this song gay, but the clip almost defies description. Kool Kim and Hass G jump around over-enthusiastically in Day-Glo t-shirts while pulling cheesy faces with every line. There’s also a lot of uneccessary spinning around and fruity dancing.2 If that wasn’t bad enough, halfway through we’re greeted with the arrival of the cheapest looking puppet of all time – a slug-like creature that’s clearly some kids failed attempt paper-mache (most likely the handywork of one of the youngsters in the audience). It’s pretty remarkable that these guys actually lasted for a couple of albums when you consider that this abortion was their debut video.3 As you might expect, when they returned with a second LP two years later, they’d studied-up on the latest Das-EFX videos and dressed in the standard “rugged” apparel of the era (as demonstrated in the video for “Time To Set It Straight“).
- 1. Not to say that Ra didn’t do his thing in the clip, but his descriptions of astral travelling didn’t exactly make me think of a mob flick when I first heard it.[back]
- 2. Although it shouldn’t be suprising considering that their first song was called “Invaders of My Fruit Basket”![back]
- 3. To their credit, the second single “One To Grow On” is actually really good, assuming you can ignore the clip.[back]
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