Big Men On Campus: John Belushi Vs Biggie Smalls
Monday March 12th 2007,
Filed under: Features,Not Your Average,Video Clips
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Two fatties at the height of their respective powers were taken from this small planet in the month of March – one, a waffle-guzzling comedian with an appetite for destruction. The other – the brother of the guy from K-9. Ten and twenty-five years ago, respectively, these two hedonistic maniacs checked-out, leaving gigantic shoes that have yet to be filled. But who was the most brolic of these two foodaholics? Here’s a super-scientifical breakdown:


It’s pretty well established that the Black Frank White was one fugly sonnovabitch, and that fact that he was constantly able to bang all types of fine broads every other day is a testament to his strong pimp game, while John B died at the hands of some skank who was best known as being a sloppy second of The Band.

Biggie: 5

Belushi: -1


While any old douche can sling drugs (admittedly some with more success than others), it takes a real stand-up guy to actually do a whole gang of coke every night.

Biggie: 0

Belushi: 1

Rock ‘N Roll

Belushi was an original Blues Brother. B.I.G. had some songs produced by Digga of the Bluez Brothers.

Biggie: 0

Belushi: 1


As Bluto in Animal House, Bulushi laid-down the blueprint for college party animals to get blotto, while Biggie made champagne popular with young folks.

Biggie: -1

Belushi: 1


Brooklyn’s finest made garish colorful Italian shit acceptable, while SNL’s favorite son brought toga’s and “College” sweatshirt’s to the mainstream.

Biggie: 0

Belushi: 0


Freestyle Skills

A no-brainer huh? Guess you never witnessed the improvisational abilities of “Joliet” Jake Blues on the ad-libs.

Biggie: 2

Belushi: 1

Weed Carriers

Both of these flabby fellas were charismatic enough to recruit lifetime weed holders. Dan Akroyd continues to hold a bag for his on-screen brother, while Jnr. Mafia and Lil’ Kim continue to make headlines for all the wrong reasons.

Biggie: 1

Belushi: 1


While B.I.G has had a few notable wannabe’s over the years (Shyne, Guerilla Black, Jay-Z), nothing compares to fatman Chris Farley, who was noted by Wikipedia as having also “started out in Second City, moved on to Saturday Night Live, appeared only once more after he left the show, and in the end he died from the same reason, at the same age”. Friggin’ awesome.

Biggie: 2

Belushi: 5


Biggie smoked weed with Tupac. John Belushi did coke with De Niro.

Biggie: 1

Belushi: 5

Cause of Death

An injection of hot lead or a speedball? I know which one I’d pick.

Biggie: 1

Belushi: 1

Bluto catches wreck:

Biggie catches wreck:

Final Scores:

While the GOAT of rap chalks-up a respectable eleven points, Belushi takes the cake with fifteen. Guess that zit skit got him over the line.

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24 Comments so far
Leave a comment

LMAO. That was some funny ish. As for Biggie being the GOAT, what are you smoking?

Comment by Rapstallion 03.12.07 @

Not my personal opinion, but that’s what the general consensus seems to be.

Comment by Robbie 03.13.07 @

Robbie, you sick fuck! After we talked about this shit I was scribbling something down to bring to the people but you killed it. Good fucking shit!

Comment by Dallas 03.13.07 @


Comment by djsheep 03.13.07 @

damn….robbie. you’re crazy for this one!
too funny.

Comment by vik 03.13.07 @

hi. larious.

Comment by Enigmatik 03.13.07 @

Robbie, who is your all time personal favorite? Mine may be KRS. Yeah!

Comment by turtle 03.13.07 @

Doing drugs with Deniro = priceless!

Comment by Belize 03.13.07 @


Comment by DF 03.13.07 @

Genius. Brilliant. Amazing execution of an improbable analysis. Bravo.

Comment by jimi izrael 03.13.07 @

I don’t really spend a lot of time thinking about who’s the “best evah”, but G Rap would have to be up there as far as what he’s brought to the game and the fact that he’s never fallen off.

Comment by Robbie 03.13.07 @

great, great post.

Comment by hugo 03.13.07 @

Biggie’s the greatest… Belushi’s the craziest. Nice face-off.

Comment by DanjaMania 03.14.07 @

Txs for the post Robbie. Saw National Lampoons y’day which make me think which of the 2 B’s would be the funniest, I guess that will be a hard question since they both use different forms of humor.

Comment by Fritz 03.14.07 @

Belushi vs. The Big Fella is a blast, yes definitely ‘the dopest shit’. You my friend are a splendid raconteur. Keep up the good wick.
Dave the Jew, ’07

Comment by Yiddisher Dave 03.15.07 @

G Rap has no question fallen off. His flow is not as tight as it was, and he’s got the range of Bernie Williams.

Still an all-time great though.

Comment by nesta 03.16.07 @

That’s GUFFAWesome. Now do the same thing, but with “God versus Allah” – and don’t pull no punches.

Comment by Daddy Bones 03.19.07 @

Nice one Robbie!

Comment by Famous jr 03.19.07 @

dont even compare talent with rap garbage, biggie was a phony drug dealer. he rapped about shit he never did.

Comment by Adolf Hitler 04.04.07 @

thats what raps about though

Comment by yourmother 04.18.07 @

Adolf Hitler, could you do the honor of enlightening us of what has not living what you rap about has got to do with your ability to being an MC???

Comment by Kevin 04.19.07 @

Wait a second,

Not that anyone should be proud of this at all, but Biggie did indeed sell drugs; he was a corner hustler, no kingpin by any stretch of the imagination, but don’t act like he was a fake. He used to sell drugs not too far from where I used to live in Brooklyn (and it’s not the kind of environment that any ol’ person could feel comfortable setting up shop on any corner).

Yes, he did stretch the truth, like every mc I’ve ever heard in my entire life, but don’t try to say he was frontin’.

In ether case, f**K anyone who calls themselves Adolph Hitler anyway; be a man.

Comment by Ausar 04.20.07 @

Ahh welcome back Ansar…

Comment by Kevin 04.21.07 @

Mr Belushi had his ups and downs like all of us in life but lets not forget his contribution to his art his comedy and his music. A pure entertainer the likes of which are not often seen today.
Long live the Blues Brothers !
Geoff UK

Comment by Geoff 08.21.07 @

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