Filed under: Not Your Average,Print Work,The Unkut Opinion,Video Clips
Written by: Robbie Ettelson
EPMD once cited Phil Collins as their favorite artist, much to the astonishment of British journalists who consider the one-time Genesis drummer to be a boring old fart. The World Famous Brucie B swears that “In The Air Tonight” was killing it in the roller skating rinks in the 80s, and I vaguely recall some shitty Lil’ Kim song that actually had the bald bastard re-doing his hook. Fast forward to the 2000-era, and another boring Brit seems to have captured the hearts of the Rotten Apple. Yup, you guesed it…Coldplay front-man Chris Martin – who shares the same government as DJ Premier but none of the aural innovation – has recently been recruited for records with both Jay-Z and Kanye “Liberache” West.
Sure, it could be argued that S. Carter and Ye Tudda are chasing that “grown folk” dollar, but this wet-blanket brings about as much excitement as Weet-Bix (or Wheaties) and water. Surely there are millions of other moody Englishman that were available to make boring rap songs, but given that Coldplay have been the token “cool rock band” for the last few of years, who else are they gonna call? Hip-hop has a long history of loving shitty rock dudes. The Steve Miller Band have provided samples for everyone from Biz Markie to the Geto Boys, but have you ever tried listening to one of dude’s albums from start to finish? The otherwise faultless Kool G Rap once remade that god-awful “Cars” song by electronic weirdo Gary Numan, and don’t get me started on all the rappers who confess to being Duran Duran fans. The all-time low point was when P.M. Dawn decided to loop-up some Spandau Ballet shit for a worldwide smash that can still induce nausea to this day (and I believe to be the real reason that BDP shut ’em down).
It doesn’t stop there though – not by a long shot. Sting – another Boring British Bastard – also has many fans in the rap world, most notably when Puffy transformed his creepy song about stalking broads into a creepy song about a dead fat rapper. Didn’t Ja Rule sample Toto? Boring-ass hip-hoppers and bland rock fucks are a match made in musical hell. Look out for a Santana-style duets album from Coldplay, featuring Common, Nas, Talib Kweli and GURU in time for next Mother’s Day!
Ja Rule “The Reign”:
Lil’ Kim “In The Air Tonight”:
Puffy “I’ll Be Missing You” (Live):
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