Filed under: Internets,Not Your Average,Print Work,The Unkut Opinion
Written by: Robbie Ettelson
So, you’re a rapper looking to reach your fans and make some new one along the way via the series of tubes that we like to call the interwebs, huh? Beyond the mandatory official MySpace and Facebook pages, if you follow these ten simple rules you’re guaranteed to be the next Souljah Boy by the end of the month.
1. ALWAYS TYPE IN CAPS. You’re saying something important. Make sure it gets noticed!
2. Get mad at your label with numerous emo outbursts. What use is an online presence if you aren’t raging against the machine? Just look what it did for Saigon (currently now sans-record contract).
3. Pen letters from jail ranting against the illuminati and ‘J.Z.’ (who are in cahoots, natch). If you’re name is Prodigy from Mobb Deep then write in all caps, also.
4. Make YouTube videos about fights you were just in with other rappers, claiming victory despite the overwhelming video evidence to the contrary.
5. Have an official blog which you clearly don’t write (the use of lowercase is a dead giveaway).
6. Threaten some (non-rapping) bloggers who wrote something negative about you. You’ll never meet them in person anyway so some threats of physical violence are an added bonus.
7. Make some wacky ‘reality show’ style viral videos to send to the big rap blogs to show you have a sense of humor.
8. Diss anyone and everyone in a desperate attempt to get some attention from a world that has zero interest in the shitty music that you insist on releasing.
9. Step your Twitter game up.
10. Rinse and repeat.
If you’re still a struggling MC who’s trying to get on, there are a few other things you could try, such as emailing bloggers and pleading for a mention, giving away music via free mixtape or album downloads or guest blogs at the hip-hop magazine website of your choice. Failing that, just label your songs as 50 Cent’s ‘In Da Club’ before uploading to Limewire and wait for a record deal.
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