How Not To Attend An M.O.P. Show

I remember seeing the posters a couple of months ago and bugging out. Mash Out Posse coming through my town? Nah, right? But it they were. As a huge supporter/fan/Stan of the Brownsville crew, I knew this was gonna be a night to remember. Turns out it was, only not exactly the way I’d imagined…

As I described last week, I fux with whiskey with a beer chaser when it’s time for some man-style drinking, and this particular night was a prime candidate for such festivities. Sporting a crispy Hard White shirt and some shitty fake Timbo steel-toe boots (no way I was letting a fresh pair of Air Max 90‘s get themselves exposed the inevitable mosh-pit at the front of the stage), I headed to the venue with a hip flask of James T. McNulty‘s favorite drop and a tall can of Heineken, anticipating that I would steal the rest of my booze from backstage as per usual. Since I got there pretty early, I hooked-up with some of my boys and shot the shit for a couple of hours back-stage, all the while tearing into my Jameson‘s supply at a heroic rate. Once that was dealt with, it was time to beer-up, and I soon had my jacket and jeans supplied with an eight can minimum for the rest of the night by fair means or foul. Everything was proceeding as planned. Or so I thought.

The problem was, the combination of the straight whiskey, access to virtually unlimited beers and the prospect of a rowdy M.O.P live set soon resulted in some seriously accelerated alcohol intake, as I began shot-gunning brews in a fairly reckless manner. Around this time, Lil’ Fame, Billy Danze and Laze-E-Laze arrived from the hotel with a couple of dames and wandered back stage, past where I was knocking down the suds. Immediately I screamed the catch-cry of ‘Fiiiyyyaaahhhh!’ at Fizzy Womack as he wandered past, which he found somewhat amusing. ‘Cool, I’ll leave ‘em be. They don’t need another annoying douchebag trying to talk to ‘em before they go on’, I thought to myself as I powered through another cold can. After that, things got kinda hazy…

Next thing I can recall, I’ve run into Fame at the side of the stage while I was on another beer run in a what was proving to be the fruitless task of quenching my seemingly never-ending thirst. He’s sitting on a crate, enjoying a quiet drink before it was time to tear the roof off this motherfucker. By this stage, any sense of reason has long escaped my now spazzed-out brain, and I decide it’s the perfect time to explain to Lil’ Fame my belief that M.O.P. are better than EPMD. Turns out he wasn’t overly impressed with this concept, and he responded that it was kinda disrespectful to Erick and Parrish to be talking such nonsense. Instead of being discouraged by his reply, I continued to argue my point in a more animated manner, waving my arms about as my frustration increased and yelling, ‘How can you do me like this, man? I went to war with the world for you dudes!’ At this point I accidentally kicked over Fame’s drink. Although he was quickly losing patience with my increasingly insane rantings, I guess he appreciated that I was die-hard fan of the group, so he poured me a glass of Henny and sent me on my way.

Ironically, that Henrock may just have been my tipping point, as I basically blacked-out soon afterward. According to eye-witness reports, I later went on yet another beer hunt, deciding that M.O.P’s back-stage supply was the only target left. Apparently, I was in such a rush to get my hands on more suds that I literally barged through the Mash Out crew who were standing in the doorway, delivering a hip-and-shoulder bump to Billy Danze on my way through. As I returned, loaded up with the majority of the beers from their ice-box, I once again body-slammed my way past, dropping most of the cans I’d just boosted at their feet, as they stared at me in disbelief. How I managed to escape receiving a beat-down from rap’s greatest duo is a mystery, but luckily for me they must have decided to let my increasingly bizarre antics slide.

Word has it that I caught some of their show, as I stumbled through the crowd to get up front to catch ‘Cold As Ice’, but as the set continued I began to take a turn for the worse, and was last seen leaning against the wall, drifting in and out of consciousness before security decided it was time for me hit the pavement. Being I was outta of my rabbit-ass mind by this stage, it seems that I didn’t respond to their requests to vacate the premises in a particularly positive manner, which nearly resulted in my dome piece being used as punching bag by some of the ‘roid raging bouncers. Once again I was lucky enough to have some friends looking out for me who were able to diffuse the situation somewhat and get me out of there in one piece.

Without the benefit of anyone seeing what happened to me next, I somehow found myself in the emergency room of a local hospital after having been brought there by ambulance. Since I didn’t seem to have any injuries other than the inevitable self-inflicted brain damage and over-taxed liver, I can only assume that I had decided to catch some shut-eye in the middle of the street. Amazingly, I still had my watch, phone, wallet and hip-flask intact after this epic adventure. But with the strong possibility of a $900 ambulance bill on it’s way and little recollection of M.O.P’s incredible performance, it might be a good idea to stick to soda water for the next couple of weeks….or maybe just lay off the Jameson.


53 Comments so far
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jesus. i couldnt think it could get worse than my effort in g-town (from what i been told, it was a blackout also). The rider heist takes the cake. haha “disbelief”. haha.

Comment by gx 12.01.09 @

sounds pretty official.

Comment by tareq 12.01.09 @

cute story…

Comment by Thirsty III the 3rd 12.01.09 @

oh man lol.

just say you were some other mysterious blogger fam. deny deny deny.

Comment by Gotty™ 12.01.09 @

roffle @ Fiiiyyyaaahhhh!

Comment by Whistler 12.01.09 @

This post = GOAT

You have to be a sick binge drinker to really appreciate the science you’re dropping. And I do!

Comment by Frost Gamble 12.01.09 @

epic

Comment by wax 12.01.09 @

Gurp City approved.

Comment by JUMBOTRON 12.01.09 @

“Fiiiiyaaah”
Hahahahah but no, seriously, the fact alone that they didn’t go medieval on your ass after you STOLE their beers is simply beyond me.
They obviously didn’t think of the tremendous repercussions that this act of empathy will have on their street cred. After this, you’ve just destroyed their career, wanted to make sure you knew that.

Comment by reiser 12.01.09 @

good for your ass dissing EPMD…lol

Comment by Pony 12.01.09 @

As a fellow blackout drinker, I too can appreciate this epic tale. Good thing you had friends there to try and help you piece together the events.

Comment by BIGSPICE 12.01.09 @

strait jokes. beautiful commentary

Comment by deskreet 12.01.09 @

Looks like E.P.M.D. got the last laugh….” You over did it holmes, you had too much to drink “…

Good story, that FIYAAAH shit had me dying….

Comment by shamz 12.01.09 @

What an incredible story!

Comment by Clev 12.01.09 @

Ha ha Dope yarn Robbie, let’s hope i get that messy tonite when i catch em in Brisbane!

Comment by Lumberjack 12.01.09 @

As a first hand witness to much of these happenings, reading this had me in tears of hilarity…
Word to E. Sermon & P. Smith- “You over did it homes…”
For the record, Mash Out Killed that shit!

Comment by TREM ONE 12.01.09 @

Welcome to wrong world Rob, population = you.
Nice to see you still have the knackers knack

Comment by headlock 12.01.09 @

Wow incredible story. You drank a lot at an MOP concert. You da man!

Seriously though go kill yourself.

Comment by AssWhippa 12.01.09 @

You should have stuck to Corona.

Comment by End Level Boss 12.01.09 @

Great story my dude. You’re very lucky. Glad u made it out to the other side.

Comment by Combat Jack 12.01.09 @

Mash Out let alotta drunken revelry around them slide… Constantly savin drunk ass mufuckas from gettin ejected by security… Even pullin up bouncers mid set n shit to ensure stage climbers and what not continue to have a good time… Real reconize real…

Comment by BIG HOCK 12.01.09 @

A true fan would have been there for the concert, and not the alcohol. Sounds like you really are a bama.

Comment by HipHopHistorian 12.01.09 @

you go to enough shows and you’re going to have stories like that.. i certainly have my share of foolishness-on-display

Comment by rek 12.01.09 @

classic.

Comment by Legend 12.01.09 @

It’d be funny if you develop your own lore in their minds. Like one day, they’re just chillin, shootin the shit, and one of them busts out, “Hey, remember that dude who was wylin out and rolling through our crew, indiscriminately and recklessly just getting embarrassingly wasted at that show we did? That guy was hilarious!”

I’d say that if that conversation were ever to happen, this evening would be a win for you. But, that’s just my take. But, as a dude with a serious binge drinking game myself, I guess I’m biased.

Comment by digglahhh 12.01.09 @

Robbie in a few months time try to get an interview with MOP, see if they can remember ur antics at the show

Comment by dj blendz 12.02.09 @

Lmfao @ fiyaahhh. My girl and I saw M.O.P. At our hotel the other night (random as!!) She stopped me (post hotel bar) from reciting a M.O.P. quoteable myself. Gotta love female sensabilities!!!

Comment by Crisis 12.02.09 @

I once hit a MOP show already pretty drunk, did a couple back to back shots with Danze, excused myself, vomited in the bathroom then walked back out with a lit blunt, noone the wiser.

All the time my girl was in the ER. She insisted I leave her to go to the show. What a woman.

Comment by Trackstar the DJ 12.02.09 @

Haa… “I remember my first beer”!!

Comment by LoSo 12.02.09 @

nice. love the honesty. yeah ive started to try to chill at shows cause i like to remember them the next day. key word “try”

Comment by ignite mindz 12.02.09 @

@ Trackstar the DJ

“…All the time my girl was in the ER. She insisted I leave her her to go to the show. What a woman.” Damn, that’s gully. lol

Comment by oskamadison 12.02.09 @

cheers mate.

Comment by swordfish 12.02.09 @

Bloody lightweight.

Comment by A to the L 12.02.09 @

Some vomit would have been the cherry (uggh) on top. I feel you though [ll] because you were planning to go apeshit for your favorite band. I can tell you right now that your wrong turn was with the Henrock. That shit is what the Blacks baptize their kids with. It’s solemn slave water and not for the white.

You are really lucky you didn’t drink too much.

Comment by Dallas 12.03.09 @

Eat some dinner before you drink next time.

Comment by bc-tw 12.03.09 @

I’ve reversed on this EPMD debate after recently reminiscing to Get Off The Bandwagon Remix. I love M.O.P. but… accuse me of flip flopping all you want.

Drinking shotguns? …I have a new found respect.

Saw M.O.P. at the Rocksteady Reunion in almost a decade ago, before they got fat. It was the greatest show on earth; a shame you missed it.

Comment by Ausar 12.03.09 @

haha, this shit is pure hilarity robbie, i’ve had few nights like this myself, waking up in only my boxers on the couch on my homies house [ll] not knowing how the fux i got there, you sound like the most obnoxious fan/stan ever, hahahahha, oh man its too rich, the whole problem was you shoulda stuck with either one type of drink or the other, not one then the other then back to a completely different one, and if its gonna be one and then another, make sure you only do that a few times then call it quits, know your limit homes, hahhaha, i’m still laughing, assing yaself out in front of your favorite rap crew

Comment by gstatty 12.03.09 @

Robbie i have to give u respect on dis one man. No other person would admit some of da shit u experienced and got urself into. It takes real balls to do dat.

Comment by dmitry aka brooklyn jew 12.03.09 @

Oh man, that’s priceless man. Shame you don’t remember the actual show.

Comment by WallySean 12.03.09 @

Sounds like you played out “A night on the tiles” Were ya walking around the ward in ya jox like some man power dud? Ha Ha ha

Comment by Grega 12.04.09 @

Giving Big Spice some comp for the boozed out Stan award 2009! Being a 2008 winner/hall of fame inductee, I say fine work. Worth it for the story.

Comment by keatso 12.04.09 @

Its all good Robbie u live & u learn man! M.O.P. must be used to it by now!! Remember there from the grimest part of Brooklyn! they’ve seen everything! So dont sweat it man!! pass me the Jameson!!

Comment by CUBAN 12.05.09 @

wow .. old tricks rob ? i fucken hate flashbacks,

Comment by sb 12.05.09 @

Hilaarity Robbie. Shit must be an aussie thing…. I had mad blackouts in LDN, woke up in a cell on three different occasions…one after a particularly hazy Nas concert… I found Cats tended to leave “crazy white boy” (me) alone, perhaps cos we seem too damn unpredictable…or maybe we already fucked ourselves up sufficiently and are just straight comedy gold.

Comment by Smear 12.07.09 @

i seen m.o.p. live ince (i live in montreal city). lotta energy, but short set

Comment by BL 12.07.09 @

U were so fortunate …by the sounds of it …

still intact lol

Comment by Killahh bee Dublin 12.08.09 @

I used to do this on the regular.

It’s called alcoholism.

Comment by eric 12.09.09 @

Haha, ITS FUNNY COS ITS TRUE! …Last I saw you, you were being gently pushed towards the door by a bouncer.

Comment by rivals 12.09.09 @

MOP must think you’re a big piece of shit … i bet they hate all dumb drunk rednecks like you showing up at their concerts…and you’re a fan ? acting like that…wow

Comment by Frankenstein 12.12.09 @

NOBODY GOT A PIC OF U? HAHA….

Comment by CHAZE 12.13.09 @

i think i got a pic or 2

Comment by Red Rooster 12.16.09 @

I can honestly say i watched your whole night unfold, i was sipping on that jamesons with you bruv, you were even on stage with us repping hard Kings Konekted!! that has to be the highlight of the tour meeting Robbie, a night on the tiles is an understatment, nice to finally meet you blud. That might of been the funniest shit ive witnessed in a few years. Well told, all too tru. LC !

Comment by Dontez 12.17.09 @

Ha! Sounds like Knackers was back in true ‘Night on the Tiles’ form! Nice work. Bummed i was O.S. when MOP came to town…

Comment by Kors Tha Force 12.22.09 @



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