Not surprisingly, between having my not exactly stellar memory jogged by everyone’s suggestions in the comments and taking a quick glance through my own archives, I have some important additions to the original line-up.
Your YouTube freestyle has 50,000 views, but nobody in the real world knows who you are? You’re a Blog Rapper.
TV Guide Rap
From Chi-Ali, Illegal and Kriss Kross to A+, 2-Low and Le Juan Love, it’s clear that life as a shorty shouldn’t be so rough. First discussed in a two part article back in February. Part One / Part Two
Anything that involves either getting dressed-up in spurs and cowboy hats for your video or just rapping about the Wild West. Not sure how I over-looked Crucial Conflict and the Horse Shoe Gang originally. Or this.
What’s the matter, you burning?
Music that you can enjoy with your eldest relatives, without any fear of offending. Common, Black-Eyed Peas and Arrested Development – please stand-up.
Hyper-active, complicated rhymes delivered in shrill, whiny voices, such as The Pharcyde, Souls of Mischief and Lords of the Underground.
Punk-Smoove Shit Rap
Anything involving Fab, Drake or Nelly and singing.
If you have ever made reference to Beyond A Pale Horse in a rhyme, you qualify. Take a bow La Coka Nostra, Non-Phixion, Immortal Technique, dead prez, Prodigy and The Goats.
Cry Baby Rap
Anything recorded by disgruntled former Jay-Z affiliates.
The combination of rap, deep-fried food, cable TV and a lack of exercise seems to be a long-standing trend, as demonstrated by The Fat Boys, Heavy D, Big Pun, Fat Joe, Chubb Rock, Rick Ross, Biggie and Fred The Godson.
When your ass gets more attention than your rapping. Hoez With Attitude, Trina, Lil’ Kim, Foxy Brown, Nikki Minaj…
For those who spend over 90% of their time beefing with other rappers. I’m looking at you Tim Dog and 50 Cent.
Kung Fu Rap
First brought to popular attention by the Fu-Schnickens, but the mighty Wu-Tang Clan managed to do it without being corny.
Corporate Board Room Rap
Two words: The Firm.
Bing Monster Rap
Anything recorded while in jail or work release. Extra points for recording over the phone. See Raided-X, Prodigy, Capone, Shyne and Slick Rick.