Nobody’s Smiling – 6 Rapper’s Born Without A Sense of Humor
Thursday April 08th 2010,
Filed under: Not Your Average,The Unkut Guide
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You might have caught the search for ‘Rap’s King of Comedy’ a while back. Anyway, the obvious follow-up – as suggested resident barfly, Phillip ‘A Millie’ Mlynar, was a column on entirely humorless rappers for this PDF thing that you might have downloaded but never actually read. After downing enough Irish whiskey to kill a small horse during a weekend card game, I was in no state to argue…

6. Kanye West – If ever proof was needed that this character takes him way too seriously, then South Park’s ‘Fish Sticks’ episode was it. Not only did the show lampoon Ye’s persona with pin-point accuracy, he actually issued an official response which was virtually identical to the one his character did! Minus the part about being a gay fish, sadly.

5. DMX – No time for jokes here. X is known to shoot straight from the hip and telling it like it is. Impersonating an FBI agent at the airport might seem like comedy in retrospect, but I bet you no one was giggling when they tried to slap the cuffs Earl.

4. Reverend Run – This might be Run’s House, but the most incredible thing about him becoming Born Again and his transformation into a man of the cloth is the fact that it somehow made DJ Run take himself even more seriously – if that was at all possible. If ever there was an MC lacking in hubris, humility and the ability to take the piss out of himself, it’s Run. That being said, the Tougher Than Leather movie still managed to be hilarious.

3. Puffy – Sean Combs like to pretend that he’s a riot, what with getting funny white guys to cameo in his videos and making insane web videos about his Twittering habits, but this calculating bastard is all front when it comes to shits ‘n giggles. It’s safe to assume that he has a team of ghost comedy-writers toiling over his every droll comment in an attempt to fool the world into believing that he’s just ‘regular people’ when in fact he’s an evil android sent back in time by SkyNet to destroy us all…or at least convince dames to shave half their hair off.

2. Professor Griff – It was important that Public Enemy‘s Minister of Information took his role a serious as a heart attack – who else was going to counter Flav’s Coke and a Smile antics? To his credit, Griff tried his hand at one-liners in 1989 – unfortunately his entire repertoire consisted of inflammatory Jewish jokes. After having to take a break from his duties with then PE, Griff did what any ex-leader of the S1W’s does and flew to Miami to work as a bouncer at titty bars. In between shifts, he also recorded a couple of LP’s for Uncle Luke before returning to the fold with Chuck and co. after promising to never again utter the phrase ‘Jew-York’ in front of a microphone.

1. Rakim – Perhaps the driest MC of all time. There ain’t a funny bone in this dude’s body, as he has declared on virtually every record since his debut. ‘I Ain’t No Joke’? Damn skippy! The 7th Letter was stone cold before Steve Austin ever jumped off a turnbuckle, and when he reminded you that, “Nobody’s smiling” you understood immediately. It’s probably not advisable to be messing with whoopee cushions and trick gum while you’re astral traveling, but the world is also a poorer place knowing that Rakim with never make a song about pulling the head off a kid’s Ninja Turtle for interrupting some MILF time.

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21 Comments so far
Leave a comment

rarely seen smilin: lloyd banks n lizard boy papoose
just for the frown of it.classic: melle mel

Comment by swordfish 04.08.10 @

What about Nas?

Comment by Henry 04.08.10 @

actually, chill from groove b chill grew up with rakim and said dude was always crackin jokes. i remember reading that here

Comment by WallySean 04.08.10 @

Two words….Ice Cube

Comment by C Style 04.08.10 @

Actually, believe it or not…Rakim DOES have one halfway funny bar in his catalog. Remember G Dep’s joint with Ra and G Rap “I am”? Ra said some shit like, “I’m man enough to put on a dress like Grandmama and bust y’all.” Ra may not realize this but that one halfway human moment, where he dropped all the aura and mystique for approximately 2.6 seconds to give you a slight chuckle, is, in a way, just as valuable as all the Follow The Leaders, In The Ghettos and Paid In Fulls to his catalog. Imagine if he would have had more moments like that. BTW Robbie, you slid that G Rap reference in there smooth as a motherfucker (Operation CB was some funny shit.)

Comment by oskamadison 04.08.10 @

“Two words….Ice Cube”

^ One word: ‘Friday’.

Comment by Robbie 04.08.10 @


Comment by Dave 04.08.10 @

MACK 10 anybody? dude looks as if he’d get pissed off reading the funnies in the paper. fabolous has some very witty rhymes but seems to be about as personable as a empty baril in real life. and no word yet on whether masta killa has a personality, beyond the slight aura of menace that hides behind his bland exterior

Comment by BL 04.09.10 @

Nobody beats Nas… I’ve never seen that dude smilin’… He makes Rakim look like Happy McSmiley

Comment by Bigg Boss Luciano 04.09.10 @

@ Robbie.I’m talking about his rap career

Comment by C Style 04.09.10 @

@ C Style

What about “You Can’t Fade Me”? from Amerikkka’s Most Wanted? A paternity suit story? That shit was funny as hell. So was “I’m Only Out For Thing”.

Comment by oskamadison 04.09.10 @

Thanks for Operation CB reference

Comment by Matt 04.09.10 @

as rappers…like while rapping,not them as people..heres my list:

1)Fat Joe
2)Chuck D
3)C.L Smooth
7)Foxy Brown
10)Brand Nubian

Comment by Johnny Hardcore 04.09.10 @

Dmx being funny from 1:08 to 1:30

Comment by Johnny Hardcore 04.09.10 @

Kanye’s first line “Common passed on this joint on turned it into a jam”
49 to 55 ..funny

129 to 136…funny

Comment by Johnny Hardcore 04.09.10 @

Great post Robbie, but I disagree about Run, he is always goofing off and acting the clown in Run’s House, I find him quite funny.

Comment by Jaz 04.09.10 @

I always thought that NAS’s Achilles heel was his lack of sense of humour.

Comment by ?uestion Marc 04.11.10 @

Tim Dogg, fuck compton!

Comment by Big Gist from Brooklyn 04.12.10 @

RUN was crazy funny back in the glory days of RUN-DMC,I remember he and D on Howard Stern and Run was really funny out doing Howard even.
But his phony born again christian thing makes me vomit.I hate born again christians but I don’t think he’s as religious as he claims.RUN’S HOUSE is the fakest reality show ever made and borrrrring.And nobody was a bigger RUN fan back in the day than me.
NAS= NO PERSONALITY good or bad.Ever see an interview with him??? He’s got the personality of a Mute.

Comment by DJ DAVITO 04.12.10 @

Yo this is spot on.

Comment by Urban Clothing 04.19.10 @

sista soulja, now thats a helluva ice grill

Comment by Big Gist from Brooklyn 04.19.10 @

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