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Written by: Robbie Ettelson
There was once an unwritten law that said that all rap albums must contain at least one “slow jam” to attract the “female demographic”. Despite some rare exceptions (MC Shan’s “Left Me Lonely”, Kool G Rap’s “She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not” and Kid Capri’s “This Is What You Came Here For”), these love raps were shameful blights on the discographies of otherwise respectable MCs. Here are ten particularly painful examples:
Black Rock & Ron – “True Feelings”
“I love you even more than a brand new Mercedes Benz”
Stetsasonic – “Float On”
Add some corn chips and you have enough cheese for some killer nachos.
Big Daddy Kane feat. Barry White – “All of Me”
Toenail polish? That’s effed the eff up. Also I’m not sure I want the late Barry White hanging out in my house (basement) when I have a broad over.
LL Cool J – “Down The Aisle”
Fuckouttahere. (Judges would also accept “One Shot At Love”, “You’re My Heart”, etc.)
MC Hammer – “Have You Seen Her”
Rapping slow isn’t such a good idea for some people. Neither is having to see this dude is his underroos.
Kings of Pressure – “Call Me On The Telephone”
From “Armed and Dangerous” to this? Who’s that bootleg TJ Swan doing the hook?
Doc Box & B Fresh – “Slow Love”
“My love starts to grow so I walk you to the sofa”
World Class Wreckin’ Cru – “Turn Off The Lights”
Dr. Dre, Yella and Shakespeare and the “cru” know how to treat ya right, girl.
Mas$e – “Jealous Guys”
“You sang beautifully just now”.
True Love – “Love Rap Ballad”
When the record label asked for a “love rap/ballad”, True Love took that shit literally.
See also: J-Zone’s Top 25 Anti-Love Songs.
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