The Conservative Rap Coalition – 2013 Agenda


Logo designed by Tony Bones / The Home Office.

Much has happened since our last meeting. Those of you who couldn’t afford the original Platinum membership packs have requested other options to show your support, and the landscape has shifted somewhat. Hipster Rap ate itself in a blur of day-glo, but new enemies have emerged in it’s wake. Now is not the time to rest on our laurels and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done, for the war rages on. Here are some of the major issues facing the CRC in 2013:

1. The Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing. No longer is the phrase “Produced by Pete Rock” or “Produced By DJ Premier” a stamp of sure-fire CRC approval. Guys like Termanology and Joey Badass think they can fool us into listening to their songs by getting these guys involved, but no more shall we be fooled by such chicanery. Not to knock Mean Joe Preeme or the Soul Survivor either, they’re both legends of the game, but not everything they touch turns to gold anymore.

2. Hipster Media Mafia. Yesterday’s under-appreciated New York rapper can quickly become a Hipster Media Darling in the blink of an eye. We’ve already lost Action Bronson, and Roc Marciano is only a Mumford & Son’s feature away from leaving the East-Coast Elitist’s for greener pastures, having already chased the sun to the West Coast. How long before somebody at SPIN decided jump onto the Doppelgangaz wave?

3. Drum Free Rap. Some loops sound great without programming extra drums over them, but might we suggest a limit of two drum-free tracks per album? Hip-hop started with the drum for a reason, this isn’t beat poet’s corner.

4. Old Man Rap Profiling. A lot of veteran MC’s suddenly decided to return to the music game after a twenty year absence, and the results are awful. That being said, how many of you actually took the time to listen to Dres and Jarobi’s album? Or the new Craig G LP? I’ve been guilty of this myself on occasion.

5. Teenage Rap Hype. The excuse that such and such is “dope for a teenager” doesn’t hold a lot of water around here, considering how sharp Tragedy, Craig G and Mobb Deep were before even being old enough to drive. Master that shit before you start releasing it to the public, or be told to sit down.

6. Know Your Enemy. In the interests of understanding what makes the “other side” tick, I’ve forced myself to sit through entire albums from Kid Cudi, Drake, ASAP Rocky and an assortment of other music that might fall into the “fuckboi” category. This allows me to shit on them with some authority, despite the heavy personal toll it inflicts on my ears.

7. Biters. One thing that really gets my goat is when these new rapper’s use another MC’s name in the vein, like they can’t Google that shit first. After that “Young Guru” fuckery we had some douche called Jugaknot who sued Breeze Brewin’ to make him change the name of his crew, Tragedy Tha Beast who only just found out who Intelligent Hoodlum was after I called him out on Twitter, some dude called Problem who needs to be schooled on Black Attack, and a clown using the Tony Bones handle with no respect for Anthony Harrison.

8. Rapping over “’93 Til Infinity”. Just stop it.

Proud members of the Conservative Rap Coalition, please add on to this agenda as you see fit. All worthy contributions will be added to the official document and preserved for time immortal.

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26 Comments so far
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1. Electro rap still sucks as ASAP Rocky and skrillex proved by making me dislike both of them more.
2. Co-sign on that drumless bassline-less rap. FOH. Acapellas are fine when a beat cuts out unexpectedly or to highlight a dope line here or there, but you might as well not rap at all and just talk at that point.
3. Also, if you can’t sing and are a rapper, don’t attempt to sing on a track, unless of course you have the voice of an angel like ghostface.
4. I’m over hearing about lean and molly as well, why don’t you kids grow the fuck up and do some real drugs, get a oxycontin, krokodil, coke or heroin habit and get back to me in a few years, hopefully instead, you’ll just be dead at that point.
5. Down south rappers that don’t pronounce certain letters like the ‘S’ in ‘these’ or ‘just,’ shit it sweet it sounds like you’re recovering from a stroke.

Grown Man rap fan out.

Comment by gstatty 02.21.13 @

# 9 …coulda been #1 for me; if you an R&B fuckboi stay the fuck from rappin over HipHop beats. You ain’t got tha clientele, say hell no; cause CRC gon dis yo ass rain/sleet/hail/snow!

Comment by bboycult 02.22.13 @

“The excuse that such and such is “dope for a teenager” doesn’t hold a lot of water around here, considering how sharp Tragedy, Craig G and Mobb Deep were before even being old enough to drive”

Truth!

Comment by lou 02.22.13 @

“’91 Til Infinity?” Is that the ultra-rare demo version coming soon from One Leg Up Records? XD

Comment by Wernski Love 02.22.13 @

^ ’91 Till Infinity is the acetate version I paid $4,191 for last week. I’ll be releasing 45 hand-numbered re-pressing’s on my RAER Records label for $300 a pop. Each vinyl comes in a whale-skin sleeve with a drop of A-Plus’ blood in a sealed zip lock bag. This version of the song features each member of Souls’ rapping in a different language about environmental issues close to their heart. Opio’s verse, for example, is in Dutch and addresses the topic of acid rain.

Comment by Robbie Ettelson 02.22.13 @

hell yeah…co-sign.stamped.and see you on the next mandatory brunch meeting.87 til insanity.

Comment by swordfish 02.22.13 @

Respect for your consistency and humor. I read your Ultra concert review and it might as well have been a short by Stephen King in terms of unfolding horror. I tend to be more forgiving of the new crop of MCs- who knows what half baked wackness may have been exposed if the Internet had been fully mature in 1989. I also think with streaming and apps like TuneIn, that there is no need to listen to shit you don’t like if you aren’t a writer/blogger. You guys listen so we don’t have to.
Keep up the checking and balancing and quality interviews.

Comment by HxC 02.22.13 @

Organize, organize, organize. We need action. Someone start a crowd funding campaign to get fame back safely for starters.

Comment by Gx 02.22.13 @

Quite possibly the best hip hop blogger post so far this year http://t.co/JYcAX9TBGI via @unkut Did point 9 get taken down for some reason?

Comment by MAT (@geniusortwit) 02.22.13 @

You’re a stronger man than I listening to an entire Drake or A$AP album.

This probably falls under the ’93 ’til-category, but “Misappropriation” or “Delicious Milk Chocolate Mixed With Pure Dog Shit.” This is where stuff you used to love is taken and pissed all over by Kids who have no idea what the fuck they’re messing with.
Case in point: I was forced to watch this video by my 18 year old “Sister-in-law” who’s never heard of MOP or Premier. It will make you vomit blood.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpOLwAgBTGw

‘Ante Up’ your clothing, my girl about to cross dress in this bitch.

Comment by Lair 02.22.13 @

Any rapper that considers themselves an MC while on a reality show should just focus on their fake acting career and put the mic down.

Comment by Klausesmih 02.22.13 @

A couple others:

— classic songs being used in corny commercials. That “Choice Is Yours” Kia commercial with the dancing rats made me sick. At least I hope Dres and Lawnge got paid for that. There have been a couple others but I’m glad that I can’t remember them.

— On the serious tip, our favorite MCs and DJs passing away from preventable diseases as they hit middle age. RIP Tim Dog. And that story about Saafir was sad. Take care of yourselves.

Comment by DJRashiiid 02.22.13 @

Rapping over double time beats “fast” passing for skill. Breeze Brewin and Kool Keith have both done this before it became popular and didn’t compromise lyrics (ie making your rhyme scheme just be “nigga” or the same word at the end of every line, that’s why it’s called “rhyming” and not “madlibs”) to fit the flow.

Be careful who you cosign. I’ve had the misfortune of having to listen to veteran rappers I used to enjoy tell me in person for tens of minutes on end how dope a Drake or whoever is when I know for a fact that someone like Drake would spend that same amount of time just talking about himself. These new cats don’t look back and only pay lip service to the greats if they’re on the same radio show. These dudes are cosigning their own extinction. People aren’t listening to you because of how open minded you are about blatant fuckry, they want to hear the embodiment of something sorely lacking from the current soundscape, not that even though you’re in your 40’s you think “teens are pretty nifty.”

Comment by Lair 02.22.13 @

10. If you’ve been involved in a social media beef, you are wack. Real men don’t angrily confront their adversaries in 140 words or less, they throw a chair at them Kieth Murry style.

11. Rappers talking about how hard they grind. It offends us folk with real jobs. The phrase ‘Rise and grind’ really means ‘rise and get on twitter, then maybe I’ll spit some doo doo in my bedroom studio, and tweet about it’

12. Rappers into politics. If you’re not trying to tear the system down and expose it, then shut the fuck up. Nobody cares about your political views.

13. Emo rappers claiming to be heavily influenced by legendary New York hip hop. Your music sounds nothing like what you claim to be inspired by. Stop using the golden age as some sort of ploy to get credibility. Your music is for females and faggots. Accept it.

Comment by Caesar 02.22.13 @

One last obvious point : don’t put out every fucking thing you record. Mobb Deep, DITC and many others can put out great “unreleased” compilations years later highlighting certain points in their career because they kept their classic albums trim and to the point. They recorded a lot of tracks but waited a while to put out an album that “stood the test of time” by taking time and testing their stuff. The current climate basically requires you to record about 3 albums worth of material: two mixtapes of hype leading up to the letdown album. Had they sat on those tracks and seriously put some thought into what was going to make the album they might not sound so halfassed.

Comment by Lair 02.22.13 @

Rappers and fashion. It’s just wack. Yeah, I know that the old-timers repped Dapper Dan Gucci and Polo and Tims, but that’s no excuse for new jacks to be obsessed with fashion labels and going to fashion shows. I blame Jay-Z for starting this trend.

Comment by DJRashiiid 02.22.13 @

When’s the next “unkut presents: 40oz” mixtape Robbie?

Comment by pb 02.22.13 @

the first 3 are on point tired of drumless beats,and that smiff & wession album with pete rock was weak and look what happen to fat joe. the teenager mc of the 90’s(chi-ali,da youngstas,mobb deep,illegal,jamal,the wascals)is not the same as the teenager mc of now. well put I agree with all these points

Comment by derrick 02.22.13 @

The last one doesnt even matter anymore kidz in the hall ruined 93 for me. Change that to t.r.o.y

Comment by Deframon 02.22.13 @

I actually did a real ‘lol’ at the ’91 til infinity acetate pack description. bravo

Comment by Marko Majik uk 02.23.13 @

14. CD/itunes only releases.
Vinyl!

Comment by djbosscrewwrecka 02.23.13 @

I hear by make a motion to approve the above 8 points and additional add-ons. Will someone second the motion!

Comment by DRL Rockwell 02.23.13 @

I want the phrases “it sounds better than what’s out there now” and “well, nowadays having at least 3 dope songs is better than nothing” abolished. A wack ass album is a wack ass album.

I also want abolished the whole “if it sounds retro, it’s dope” fad. If a MC is an average rapper, I don’t care if he got the freshest beats on the planet – the album is only passable at best.

Lastly, I want rappers to stop bringing their garbage boys from high school onto their records. We saw this bullshit back in the days with cats like Preacher Earl, Scoob Lover, and all them “sideline niggas” from Wu-Tang. Now you got cats like Phonte bringing stains to the game with people like Median, Joe Scudda, and the rest of those Justass League dudes. If you’re merely content to “just be on an album” and “spit lines for the sake of bragging” and not be good at it, don’t bother showing up at the studio.

Comment by The_Soulution 02.23.13 @

Hello good friends, Im Cole James Cash, the Tom Delay of hip hop. I would like to add that i am sick of this pitchfork style of picking these angst filled would be “rappers” who are really just impressionable youth who are products of their enviorment and hyping them up and filming them at gun ranges.

i find this “urban fantasy” shit appalling. My people have plenty of excellent rappers, but chief keef and fredo santana are not examples of black excellence friends. Our Conservative GOP Platform of rap must include more ridicule of these “journalists” who hype up these garbage niggas with criminal records

i can see it now “OH ITS SO REAL, LOOK AT HOW RAW THE NEGRO IS IN HIS NATURAL HABITAT!”

Comment by Cole James Cash 02.24.13 @

15. stop giving mediocre white rappers a pass. There was once a time when if you were a white rapper you had to be twice as nice. ie. Mac Miller, MGK, pretty much any white rapper whose name begins with an M. . .

Comment by hotbox 02.26.13 @

Adding on to the teenager topic, 2 things. 1. Special Ed’s Youngest In Charge will smack the dogshit out of anything most of young’uns can muster up…and Legal was even better. 2. Rakim dropped My Melody at 18 and I remember readin’ somewhere that those rhymes were a couple of years old then. With all the access to info in these days and times, not to mention th wealth of classic Hip-Hop available to be studied, these kids have no excuse bein’ wack.

Comment by oskamadison 02.27.13 @



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