Filed under: Conservative Rap Coalition,Internets,The Unkut Opinion,Unkut Originals,Vote Or Die
Written by: Robbie Ettelson
Logo designed by Tony Bones / The Home Office.
Much has happened since our last meeting. Those of you who couldn’t afford the original Platinum membership packs have requested other options to show your support, and the landscape has shifted somewhat. Hipster Rap ate itself in a blur of day-glo, but new enemies have emerged in it’s wake. Now is not the time to rest on our laurels and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done, for the war rages on. Here are some of the major issues facing the CRC in 2013:
1. The Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing. No longer is the phrase “Produced by Pete Rock” or “Produced By DJ Premier” a stamp of sure-fire CRC approval. Guys like Termanology and Joey Badass think they can fool us into listening to their songs by getting these guys involved, but no more shall we be fooled by such chicanery. Not to knock Mean Joe Preeme or the Soul Survivor either, they’re both legends of the game, but not everything they touch turns to gold anymore.
2. Hipster Media Mafia. Yesterday’s under-appreciated New York rapper can quickly become a Hipster Media Darling in the blink of an eye. We’ve already lost Action Bronson, and Roc Marciano is only a Mumford & Son’s feature away from leaving the East-Coast Elitist’s for greener pastures, having already chased the sun to the West Coast. How long before somebody at SPIN decided jump onto the Doppelgangaz wave?
3. Drum Free Rap. Some loops sound great without programming extra drums over them, but might we suggest a limit of two drum-free tracks per album? Hip-hop started with the drum for a reason, this isn’t beat poet’s corner.
4. Old Man Rap Profiling. A lot of veteran MC’s suddenly decided to return to the music game after a twenty year absence, and the results are awful. That being said, how many of you actually took the time to listen to Dres and Jarobi’s album? Or the new Craig G LP? I’ve been guilty of this myself on occasion.
5. Teenage Rap Hype. The excuse that such and such is “dope for a teenager” doesn’t hold a lot of water around here, considering how sharp Tragedy, Craig G and Mobb Deep were before even being old enough to drive. Master that shit before you start releasing it to the public, or be told to sit down.
6. Know Your Enemy. In the interests of understanding what makes the “other side” tick, I’ve forced myself to sit through entire albums from Kid Cudi, Drake, ASAP Rocky and an assortment of other music that might fall into the “fuckboi” category. This allows me to shit on them with some authority, despite the heavy personal toll it inflicts on my ears.
7. Biters. One thing that really gets my goat is when these new rapper’s use another MC’s name in the vein, like they can’t Google that shit first. After that “Young Guru” fuckery we had some douche called Jugaknot who sued Breeze Brewin’ to make him change the name of his crew, Tragedy Tha Beast who only just found out who Intelligent Hoodlum was after I called him out on Twitter, some dude called Problem who needs to be schooled on Black Attack, and a clown using the Tony Bones handle with no respect for Anthony Harrison.
8. Rapping over “’93 Til Infinity”. Just stop it.
Proud members of the Conservative Rap Coalition, please add on to this agenda as you see fit. All worthy contributions will be added to the official document and preserved for time immortal.
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