What with the current influx of Molly Rap, Acid Rap, Loud Rap, Lean Rap, Yayo Rap, Bath Salts Rap and whatever the fuck else these characters are getting bent off, it seems like we’ve returned to the Slow Rap era that Cypress Hill heralded in the early nineties. Does that mean that we need to get twisted on the appropriate substance to fully enjoy much of this new rap? I’m pretty sure you need ingest heroic quantities of codeine to fully enjoy this new DOOM song with Clams Casino, “Bookends”:
Listening to rap while drunk or dusted has always been one of life’s simple pleasures, but I feel that something stronger may be required to fully immerse one self in current rap musics, which could be a problem for a “man of a certain age” who prefers hard liquor to any of these pill-popping antics. It was bad enough that Philly drum machine king Schoolly-D encourage me to smoke “cheeba cheeba” as a youth and King Tee practically forced me to consume beers as often as possible, but now I’m supposed to slam down Party Scene materials like I was one of the Russell Brothers?
Is this the new peer pressure? I used to dream of being an architect…or maybe that was Mobb Deep? Regardless, do we really have to relive that Trip-Hop era all over again? Hasn’t Ninja Tune and DJ Krush done enough damage already? Do I really want to feel like my brain is wrapped in cotton wool and I’m wading through molasses whenever I throw my headphones on? Or is some sort of yoga and meditation routine required to achieve a state of Zen-like readiness?
Clearly, the best option here is to blame the young people. A$AP Rocky and his gypsy garment wearing ilk have made it clear that by encouraging their listeners to get wasted enough via painfully slow, trippy beats, no one will bother to complain about the complete lack of anything interesting happening in the raps. How long is it before New Rap simply consists of a few randomly mumbled catchphrases and the MC just repeating “Last name _______, first name __________” over and over again? It’s worked out pretty well for that 2Chainz character. My point being – this is clearly some kind of conspiracy by the Illuminatti and the Hip-Hop Cops to turn all rap fans into brain-dead zombies so that they can steal our Twitter passwords and activate Skynet. Consider yourselves…warned!