These Professional Rap Ghostwriters Will Destroy Us All, Or So They Claim
Wednesday March 12th 2014,
Filed under: Features,Internets,Jokes On You,Not Your Average,Sizzle-chest
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rap-ghostwriters-for-hire-20131

It’s recently come to my attention that a new thirst bucket company by the name of Precision Writtens is outchea harassing every second rapper on the internets to employ their services to create the ultimate rapper dude by committee. Here’s the approach they took when they pitched their “services” to $amhill:

PW Talent Agent, Tyrone Bowman: “Ive been listening to a few of your tracks and think you got a tight sound. I’m with Precision Writtens and we write very intricate rap verses for artists. You can listen to some sample verses on our website to get a sense of what we mean by intricate. I know we can help you blow up big, easy. Take a look and let us know what you think fam. Peace”

When Sam declined, they had a second shot:

“Oh ok, are you sure? It’s not about if you write well or not, because you do, no doubt. It’s about the fact that there are thousands of other artists just as good as you. No disrespect, you’re better than probably 90% of artists I see but it’s just the fact that there are so many just as good your chances of making it are very very slim. However if you had 10-15 lyricists intricately putting together every single line and bar of yours there wouldn’t be thousands who are just as good as you anymore, you’d be the best, easy. That’s what we do. Anyway, I think you’re missing out on a big opportunity here but thats cool. Let us know if you change your mind. Peace”

Third time lucky, ya boy Tyrone took to the YouTube to reach out:

“I get where you’re coming from man but that mindset is outdated. The only thing that really matters is the fact that artists like yourself who do their shit the old fashioned way, can’t compete with any artist we’re backing. A 15 man team will always beat a 1 man team. Our artists can put out higher caliber music, 10X as fast. You work your ass off n put out 3-5 albums a year to your fans–we drop 15 without breaking a sweat. It’s like libraries vs. Google fam, so like it or not, we are the future…”

A quick perusal of the PW website, which is disturbingly written in ALL CAPS, reveals what their master plan really is:

THE FUTURE OF PRECISION WRITTENS

Right now we write for any artist who pays us but this is only temporary. What we’re really trying to do, long term, is to put our whole crew of writers behind just 1 artist and have him blow up huge. Once we find this artist, we’ll be cutting ties with every other artist we’ve worked with and writing exclusively for him. Lets label this 1 artist the “PW Artist”. Obviously that won’t literally be the artists name, but it’s just easier to explain things if we label it like that. We’re scouring the globe, looking at thousands of artists in all different countries to find just the right one who’ll be the PW Artist.

They would have gotten away with it were it not for those pesky kids! Surely this is the latest venture from the dummies behind Rap Dummy?

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18 Comments so far
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No, no, no and no! Did you hear those sample verses? Wordy? Yes, Dope? A resounding no! This is that Bullshit.

Comment by Deez El 03.12.14 @

“pesky”, Robbie. This is the greasiest scam I’ve heard about in a minute. Pure fuxxery.

Comment by Fosterakahunter 03.12.14 @

yo rob…i am tremendously offended.i mean i guess these retards do what they do,but 4 some reason the approach me with writing rhymes 4 me,tho these dickheads sy im better than 90% of the rappers theyve heard.but they say theyre are better.granted,$amhill never claimed to be the best in the game,tho i have proven that most can not fuck with me @all.never ego,just honest.they say to me they are the future,so i say prove it and have ya 15 trust fund rappers get together 4 a all out verbal warfare.them against me.i have yet to get a reply.bottomline…anybody feel they can mix with in the booth get ya bars together and prove it.many people dont like $amhill becuz he can not be controlled.but not near one of the cowards dare send a verbal shot.i dont not fuck with niggas.i am my team.i only fux with unkut,and my team of producers:GWOP SULLIVAN,CHOPZ DA BEATZ,LEWIS PARKER,COLE JAMES CASH,TRE TRACKS,LIGALIZE…THATS IT THATS ALL!anybody want $amhill 4 a feature u holla @ unkut,& u will get the going rates.u want a PRECISION WRIITEN from $amhill,u holla @ me personally and we will keep that between us.i hate rats & i do not play both sides.debut album THE $amhill STORY coming soon.it will be the ego smasher 4 the 21st century.them precision dickheads need to holla @ THE FADED STAR DAVE DAR…the sub par nursery raps need operations.cuz ima sever that faggot…

Comment by $amhill 03.12.14 @

My man had a similar message sent to his attention recently too.. he aired it out on FB.. I’m not exactly sure what whoever is behind this get rich quick plan is smoking, but this is pure comedy.. the audacity is at an all time high..

Comment by LEX 03.12.14 @

Hilarious

Comment by Spin 03.12.14 @

WHO ARE THESE DUMB ASSES???? Sam Hill told me about these JERK OFFS!!!!!
Yo whoever these cornballs are? They should be shot in the head.
What a bunch of fucking Hurbs!!!!
SAM HILL IS THE NICEST, HE DOESNT NEED ANYBODY WRITING HIS SHIT!!!!!
Robbie Good Look putting these Corny fucks on Blast!!!!!!!

Comment by DJ DAVITO 03.12.14 @

Can’t this grand 15 man team of the greatest lyricists ever pick one of the bunch to focus on and make the greatest rapper of all time?

Comment by Truth Powell 03.13.14 @

So phony! More phony are only their demos on the site. Pure bullshit. It’s like offering “Rapper Kit For Children” to established MC’s http://www.amazon.com/Rubies-Costume-Co-Rapper-Kit/dp/B0058DRYJO/ref=sr_1_10?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1394726875&sr=1-10&keywords=Rapper+Kit

Comment by andrewfrumrusha 03.13.14 @

Man oh man, this is pathetic, what makes it more pathetic is the fact that artistry and chemistry arent things you can manufacture with any sense of lasting quality.

Comment by Cole James Cash 03.13.14 @

Hahahaha….this shit is GREAT;Rap is so Corny now that it has finally devolved into basic pop music practices (everyone screaming Apocalypse and clutching pearls needs to pop an Ambien…all this is, is Songwriting services) HipHop is great because TRUE Emcees Past/Present/Future will ALWAYS handle the songwriting duties…..but this shit here nigga; this shit here!?! This shit is the FUTURE of all Grammy Nominated/Winning PopRappinWhoreBullshit …..I gotta show respect to Macklemore/Ryan Lewis now for doing it on their own 1st because this shit will be churning out ‘Thrift Shop’/’Same Love’ vomit for the forseeable future! …in other words this shit ain’t got shit to do w/HipHop.

Comment by bboycult 03.13.14 @

The article is incredible. 1st off they seem desperate for a name artist while trying to maintain some kind of sense of power which they don’t have.

Secondly, that masterplan has many holes in it. One in particular is I couldn’t imagine any major label willing to cut 15 different checks for writers alone and knowing that before they signed someone.

Thirdly, they’re missing the point that hip-hop is about individuality. Most of the guys I listen to have a defined sense of self and personality. Something that would surely get lost with 15 hired pens.

Somebody should hire these guys to do 1 track so we could all laugh at it.

Comment by Caesar 03.13.14 @

I am PW Artist. I rap with the bitter fury of 15 unknown emcees.

Comment by skinny 03.14.14 @

fuckery @ its finest…
im posting this becuz thttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieAQSeuhWes&feature=youtube_gdata_playerhey contacted me
AGAIN b4 this article rob…
listen this crab shit…

Comment by $amhill 03.15.14 @

they tryin to say nas dont write his rhymes rob…
are they implying they folks did? im dis these faggots & dave dar & whoever..

Comment by $amhill 03.15.14 @

Wow. What a corn. Who the do these clowns think they are, with the “get rich quick seminar” infomercial bullshit and the audacity to approach established artists who take pride in their craft? Plus dude talking looks Kevin Love. Who is he talking to? Any money bet it’s an empty room. Pure propaganda.

Comment by RL-Two 03.16.14 @

@$amhill – Just read your youtube responses. Way to put those culture vultures in their place.

Comment by RL-Two 03.16.14 @


Has Lord Jamar seen this?

Comment by Eons 03.21.14 @



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