That Shit I Don’t Like: Freestyle Fellowship – Innercity Griots


If there is one thing that really pisses me off, it’s pretentious Coffee Shop Art Rap. This album was released during the height of the “experimental” LA hip-hop movement, which gave us high-pitched whiny efforts such as The Pharcyde and The Wascals (who were just a shittier version of the former). I guess we should blame the Good Life Cafe, which was fawned over by RapPages and other music mags on account of being a refreshing alternative to rapping about girls and guns over P-Funk. The thing is, King T and the Alkaholiks proved that it was possible to make great rap out West without sounding like a bunch of jazz loving beatniks, but since they were basically brag rappers the hip-hop media craved something more “left-field”. Thus the world had to endure the “conceptual improve” styling that is the Freestyle Fellowship.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Aubrey Graham > Drake


My second post about Drake for the week, because he’s an easy target and I lack the imagination to clown anybody else at this particular point in my life.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Aubrey Graham > Drake

Video: Degrassi Unscripted – The Drake Episode

Aubrey hangs out with his mom’s, sneaks his grand mother chocolate in between giving her daps, shows us his CD and shoe collection, drives his 2004 Acura, reads out some pretty creepy fan mail from a guy called Jason, shares some footage of his starring role in a local production of Les Miserables and pulls out his collection of tear-stained rhyme books. Bless his cotton socks!

Shouts to Grand Daddy IU for digging this up.

Unkut Vs. Combat Jack: EPMD = Great, But Not The Greatest

If you have even the slightest clue about this here rap shit, then you have to acknowledge the fact that Erick and Parrish pretty much had the game in motherfuckin’ headlock with their first four albums. They brought a brand new funk to the scene with Strictly Business, delivered cutting-edge beat science on Unfinished Business and executed a near-flawless B-Boy document with Business As Usual, while Business Never Personal showcased the mighty Hit Squad at the height of their powers while slapping the shit outta listeners with ultra-hard cuts like ‘Boon Dox’. Combat Jack is going to tell you that based on the strength of this discography they automatically qualify as rap’s ‘Dopest Duo’ (word to Craig G), but that’s not the whole equation. My main motivation behind the ‘M.O.P are the greatest’ declaration is the fact that they’ve outlasted everyone and are still bringing that heat. It soon became clear that the most effective way to illustrate the Mash Out Posse‘s superiority is through the classic Take An ‘L’ Comparison Test. Let’s get it in!

8 Rap Pics That Make You SMH
Monday April 27th 2009,
Filed under: Features,Fudge Rap,Not Your Average,Sizzle-chest,Ya Moms
Written by:

Sure, Biz is known for his wacky stunts but…

Asher Roth’s Guide To Frat Rap – Part Deux
Wednesday April 22nd 2009,
Filed under: Announcements,Fudge Rap,Sizzle-chest,Ya Moms
Written by:

It seems that I under-estimated the amount of Frat Rap out there in yesterdays piece, so to keep all you Surf MC’s fans happy I’ve asked Kid Roth to return to conclude our College Rap Wrap-Up

Asher Roth’s Guide To Frat Rap
Tuesday April 21st 2009,
Filed under: Features,Fudge Rap,Not Your Average,Sizzle-chest,Video Clips
Written by:

According to Rolling Stone, this Asher kid is “a spacey stoner who practices yoga and enjoys musing on politics”. The first thing that springs to mind is “hippy douchebag”, right? Sure, but he’s not the first example of Frat Rap. Come to think of it, he was never actually in a fraternity, but since Steve Rifkind offered to wash my car if I covered Kid Roth, I thought I’d let Asher check out some of those who paved the way for the College Rap movement (including founder of The Source magazine, Jon ‘Sultan MC’ Schecter, pictured above), since he was in day-care when half these songs came out.

Who Let The Flamers In?

Kanye‘s new line of Wally’s

This is something that has had my goat for a long time – the near-extinction of the ‘regulators’ who used to keep this here rap shit in check. You know who I’m talking about – the hard heads who would throw bottles at weak rappers on stage, roll the herbs for their new Nikes and generally punch random toys in the throat just for living. It may not have been beer and skittles if you were the unwitting vic of one of these characters, but you couldn’t help but respect the hell out of what they stood for as they emptied your pockets. But as rap got bigger, the risk associated with attending a live event rapidly decreased, and before we knew it, spoken-word hippy douchebag rappers were performing on stage with no fear of reprisal by the turn of the century. Nine years later, it’s gotten to the point where only a handful of MC’s are willing to speak-up against the clownish attire and generally fruit-flavored behavior of ‘next-school’ rappers who are flooding the internets. Save the odd switched-on blog commenter, it seems that the only people willing to ‘Just Say No’ to dressing like a homo are myself, some guy called Mazzi and Termanology. Term initially caught my ear, but his ‘whisper’ flow was starting to lose me until he made the brave move to fight back against Hipster Rap Douchbaggery. The main question poised by this Boston-bred MC who now resides in the BX is, “Since when is it cool to dress like a dude who fuck’s another dude?” Since about a year ago, by my estimation. It’s only a matter of time until some broadsheet accuses him of ‘homosexual panic’ I guess.

Termanology – ‘Tight Pants Are For Girls’

Is Term Speaking The Truth?

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Will The Real Eric B. Please Stand Up?
Monday January 26th 2009,
Filed under: Biters In The City,Fudge Rap,Internets,Sizzle-chest,Video Clips
Written by:

Eric B – ‘U My Girl’

^ Please kill yourself.

Bonus: Eric B – ‘Rain’ video:

The Day I Fell Off
Thursday December 18th 2008,
Filed under: Features,Fudge Rap,The Unkut Opinion,Video Clips
Written by:

Not me, obviously. But was there a particular incident or album that made you rip all your Word Up! posters off your wall and never listen to a particular rapper ever again? For some, it was Big Daddy Kane‘s Prince of Darkness LP. For others, it was KRS-One taking out PM Dawn (if you’re one of these foolish folk, please fall into your nearest volcano).

Dallas Penn offers: “Only dude I ever had faith in was Ice Cube and I think after I saw Boyz N The Hood I was like ‘Fuck this fake ass rap shit!’. Remember ‘Burn Hollywood Burn’? The next thing you know this dude is doing movies. I learned then that revolution is only the act of revolving – spinning around in the same place.”

The Case For Hipster Rap
Friday August 15th 2008,
Filed under: Classic Ignorance,Fudge Rap,Not Your Average,Print Work
Written by:

Veteran hip-hop writers Andrew Emery (Hip Hop Connection, Fat Lace) and Chairman Mao (ego trip, XXL Mag) have both penned intelligent articles which take a far more open-minded approach to all the the trendy tight-jeans rappers than my own five-minute, hateful rant against the smedium shirt brigade. I’ve also notices that Wikipedia now also mentions “old-school hip-hop website Unkut and Jersey City rapper Mazzi” as leading the Hipster Rap backlash or some shit. Even the effin’ UTNE Reader has got in on the action.

Deft Jams by Andrew Emery

Hipster Boogie by Chairman Mao

Hipster Rap – The Latest Hater Battleground by Jake Mohan

For what I promise will be it’s final appearance on these pages, allow me to wheel-out the infamous Hipster Rap Douchebag Poll, which I will shut-down once it reaches 1,000 votes. Honest.

Who Is The Biggest Hipster Rap Douchbag

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Video: Kidz In The Hall Respond To Unkut Dot Com Poll
Thursday June 19th 2008,
Filed under: Fudge Rap,In The Trenches,Not Your Average,Video Clips
Written by:

So I get an email today from a guy from Underground Hip Hop dot com letting me know that the Kidz In The Hall gave Unkut a fair amount of airtime in this new video. Amusing to say the least. As I’d originally mentioned in the post, I only really included them to make up the numbers. They make decent enough music I guess, if you’re into that kind of shit, but there’s really no excuse for rocking canary yellow cardigans unless you’re Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Anyway, cheer up fellas – you only polled thirteen votes!

Who Is The Biggest Hipster Rap Douchbag

  • All of the above (25%, 470 Votes)
  • Kanye West (18%, 332 Votes)
  • Lil Mama (13%, 232 Votes)
  • The Cool Kids (12%, 230 Votes)
  • Lupe Fiasco (7%, 137 Votes)
  • M.I.A. (7%, 125 Votes)
  • Kid Sister (7%, 124 Votes)
  • N*E*R*D* (6%, 113 Votes)
  • Kidz In The Hall (5%, 86 Votes)

Total Voters: 1,849


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Phil Collins aka Chrome Bone
Tuesday November 27th 2007,
Filed under: Fudge Rap,Great Moments In Rap,Video Clips
Written by:

Two of the greatest musical forces of our times combined….

…and for everyone who was upset by my Gary Numan remarks….

The Gayest Rap Set Ever?
Wednesday October 31st 2007,
Filed under: Fudge Rap,Video Clips
Written by:

Fruity red pants? Check. “Fairy flying” dancers on some Harry Belafonte‘s stage production in Beat Street? Check. Corny orchestral backing? Check. MJ white gloves and fudge scarf? Check. Please kill yourself immediately if you enjoy this guy’s rapping on any level.