Magazine Vaults: 1991 Rap Rumor Round-Up
Tuesday February 24th 2015,
Filed under: Crates,Jokes On You,Magazine Vaults,The 90's Files
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Click image for larger version.

Prior to his reign as The Rap Bandit, Danny Ozark went by the pen name Pistol Pete. For this column in the January 1991 issue of The Source, Pete invents ten rap rumors as an excuse to drop some hip-hop punchlines. Just think, before Twitter rappers had to listen to dumb myths about themselves for months and months! Progress.

Face-Off: Grandmaster Caz vs. Biz Markie – A Thing Named Kim
Thursday December 04th 2014,
Filed under: Face Off,Jokes On You,Not Your Average,Vote Or Die
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Lil' Kim 2014

Biz Markie apparently makes up all his rhymes on the spot in the studio and then learns them later – except for when he gets his pals to write songs for him. Big Daddy Kane wrote the first side of Goin’ Off, as was clearly stated on the back cover (therefore not a case of ‘ghostwriting’) and for his next LP he enlisted GMC to lend his storytelling prowess for this entertainly tasteless tale of transgender luh gone wrong.

Seeing as though Caz’s original reference track was eventually issued with a 45 King remix, we can now compare the two. Who rocked it better?

Video: Positive K Performing Stand-Up Comedy
Friday November 28th 2014,
Filed under: Jokes On You,Old Moufs,Rap Veterans,Video Clips
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I was directed to this in the comment section of my Pos K interview last year by hotbox but forgot to post it. Take my wife…please!

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Why Does Nick Cannon Still Exist?


The article where I compare Nick Cannon‘s career to Homeboys From Outer Space.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Why Does Nick Cannon Still Exist?

These Professional Rap Ghostwriters Will Destroy Us All, Or So They Claim
Wednesday March 12th 2014,
Filed under: Features,Internets,Jokes On You,Not Your Average,Sizzle-chest
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It’s recently come to my attention that a new thirst bucket company by the name of Precision Writtens is outchea harassing every second rapper on the internets to employ their services to create the ultimate rapper dude by committee. Here’s the approach they took when they pitched their “services” to $amhill:

PW Talent Agent, Tyrone Bowman: “Ive been listening to a few of your tracks and think you got a tight sound. I’m with Precision Writtens and we write very intricate rap verses for artists. You can listen to some sample verses on our website to get a sense of what we mean by intricate. I know we can help you blow up big, easy. Take a look and let us know what you think fam. Peace”


No Country For Old (Rap) Men – Schoolboy Q and Yay


Welcome to the Schoolboy Era Error, as Kendrick Lamar‘s pal falls to pieces before our eyes.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men – Schoolboy Q and Yay

MC Funky J Vs. KRS-One – Worst Beef Ever?
Saturday January 04th 2014,
Filed under: Jokes On You,Shit I Don't Like,Stan Status
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Some herb called MC Funky J, which is basically the worst rap handle of all time, just leaked a recording of him getting sonned by KRS-One in an attempt to get some shine for his new KRS diss which is so bad it has to be heard to be believed. Unlike every other hack blog that has reported this “story”, I had my crack team of YouTube comment section investigators spend ten seconds researching this shit. Here’s a response from this Server Taveres guy mentioned in the phone call, which basically sums up what is a clear case of Stanning:

Yo, just for the record, I don’t need to defend Kris, however, I was a part of this situation and I don’t appreciate how this dude is tryin’ to portray Kris… this convo. is from 2005, OBVIOUSLY Kris was heated about this dude, a TOHH intern, NOT a “Protege”, leavin’ a THREATENING Note at his HOME where he and his FAMILY live, who wouldn’t be HEATED?!… The REAL question is WHY in 2014 has this surfaced?! This dude is a WWWACK rapper just tryin’ to get some PUBLICITY off a so-called “controversial” situation that ended up really NOTHIN’! Let’s NOT give him ANY energy, Word! IJS!!! ;)


The Legend Of The Fake Spoonie Gee


For the past three years, a guy in Miami has been fooling tourists with claims that he’s Harlem rap legend Spoonie Gee. Hopefully the guys who have filmed his antics give him a Newport loosie or $5 for his troubles, since he may or may not be homeless despite still managing to rock a different Ralph Lauren polo in several of the clips. Here is the story of Fake Spoonie Gee, according to shitty iPhone footage:

Rammellzee Ethers Basquiat In A Comic Strip
Monday September 09th 2013,
Filed under: Art of Facts,Great Moments In Rap,Jokes On You,The 80's Files
Written by:


Another Ed Piskor sure-shot. Long live the legend of Rammellzee

Brain Rot: Hip Hop Family Tree, Rammellzee and Beat Bop

Nothing Sweet About Sugar Hill Tax Evasion
Sunday June 23rd 2013,
Filed under: Art of Facts,Jersey? Sure!,Jokes On You,Weekend Warriors
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Those pesky Robinson’s are up to their own tricks, this time on some tax fraud business from all those royalties they stole from Flash and ’em.

Sugar Hill Records’ tax issues latest chapter in Englewood hip-hop family’s rocky history

Where’s Timmy? Makes Finding Tim Dog A Frenzy Of Family Fun!
Sunday May 26th 2013,
Filed under: In Search Of...,Internets,Jokes On You
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Timmy loves his gold rope chain, but if you’ve got some gold as well, he’ll stop at nothing to scam it from your hands! Can you spot Timmy before he rushes to his next mark?

A Twitter joke of mine has become a reality, thanks to J. Monkey over at The Rap Up. Great work, internets!

Where’s Timmy? Makes Finding Tim Dog A Frenzy Of Family Fun!

Bobbito Ethering Ricky Powell On WKCR, 1993

The clear highlight of the reunion show was this timeless interaction between Bobbito Garcia and Rickey Powell during a 1993 episode of The Stretch Armstrong Show. I couldn’t resist but upload it to YouTube for prosperity posterity.

Video: White People Performing Public Enemy Songs
Friday January 04th 2013,
Filed under: Internets,Jokes On You,Sizzle-chest,Video Clips
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Like Public Enemy? Love white people? Then you are in for a treat! Here are white folks channeling their inner “prophets of rage” in the name of all things cover version.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men – Rap Genius Should Be Renamed Rap Dummy

No Country For Old (Rap) Men – Rap Genius Should Be Renamed Rap Dummy

I wasn’t going to bother posting this here since I covered some of it here already, but then this happened:

Here’s video of a regular day at the Rap Dummy offices:

Video: How To Be Hip-Hop Tutorial
Saturday October 27th 2012,
Filed under: DJ Sheep's VHS Vault,Jokes On You,Sizzle-chest,The 80's Files,Video Clips
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Part 3 of DJ Sheep’s VHS Vault schools us on how to be ‘hip-hop’, according to these two helpful fellows. This is the kind of thing that I’m sure the Rap Genius dudes would appreciate.

Prince Paul and DJ Pforreal – Negroes On Ice Album Review
Sunday October 14th 2012,
Filed under: Albums,BK All Day,Jokes On You,Reviews
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Comedy albums are a strange animal. The great ones are hilarious for two or three spins, but rarely stand-up to repeated listens. Hip-hop comedy records have the advantage of beats to accompany the gags, which significantly added to the lifespan of Prince Paul‘s Psychoanalysis record, but did little to help Bobby Jimmy and the Critters.