Filed under: Internets,Not Your Average,Shots Fired,Unkut Originals,Ya Moms
Written by: Robbie Ettelson
There have been some talented gene pools in hip-hop, where two brothers from the same mother have both shown and proved on skill and talent alone. And then there’s these guys…who needed a weed carrier when you’re own flesh and blood could carry your stash?
So there was a free show the other night featuring Jean Grae and Pharoahe Monch, which isn’t really a big deal since I never really pay to get in anyways and I don’t really know a song that either of ‘em have done for the last five years, but eff it. First thing I noticed that were a lot of broads around, which is pretty unusual for a scumbag spot like this one but always a positive. Did all this gals roll up to hear ‘Simon Says’? On closer inspection, I noticed that 85% of these chicks appeared to be on some of that old rug munch status, and then the penny dropped. ‘Oh shit, Jean got this girl-on-girl rap audience in a headlock!’. There also seemed to be your usual fudge pudge of type-Emo rap fans and J. Bieber wannabes, which seems to be par for the course in this fruit basket we call hip-hop now.
Highly esteem film critic Rodger Tossenpot just submitted his thoughts on Kanye’s latest piece of ‘creative jeanious [sic].
No one man should have this much Power. The power to make me weep at the frailty of the human condition, laugh at our faults and marvel at the beauty of Great Art. Many dismissed the idea of Mr. West directing a short film as self-indulgent navel gazing, but only because haven’t experienced the majesty of his vision. Combining the story-telling prowess of the Brothers Grimm with the gritty edge of a young Scorsese, Mr. West has delivered our generation’s Citizen Kane via this 35 minute Rap Opera.
Why do people who don’t even work in the music industry talk about album sales? It makes no sense whatsoever when you think about it, but since the young rap fans of today are often more concerned with what sort of jacket Kanye was wearing in his new video than what he says in his lyrics, it shouldn’t really come as any great surprise. See, there’s this white guy who used to rap about being crazy, going on killing spree’s and unsavory thoughts toward the mother of his child (and his own mum, come to think of it). Nothing unusual there either – pale-faced rappers have often resorted to casting themselves in the role of the lunatic in an attempt to deflect any questions of ‘street cred’ or whatever you want to call it. He sold a hell of a lot of records performing Black music, won an Oscar, then took a break and got strung-out on goofballs and got fat – basically on some Elvis shit. Here’s the thing – he was actually a pretty great rapper. Sure, as his career progressed the quality of the beats steadily declined and the choruses became increasingly annoying, but the kid still had lyrics to go.
Artwork: The Home Office
‘Monster’ ‘Power’ [Remix]…
If there is one tried-and-tested topic of talk to get rap addicts animated, it’s imaginary battles. You know, shit like, ‘What would have happened if the Fu-Schnickens had squared-off against Das-Efx, yo?’ OK, maybe not so much that example, but you get the idea. Here are a few to chew over:
LL Cool J vs Kool Moe Dee, circa 1985: Like it or not, but Teddy Riley‘s syrupy New Jack tracks lost the war for KMD when he took it to Jack The Ripper in the late 80’s. But if LL had tried to take-out Moe Dee in ’84, ’85, when he was still wet behind the ears? The Space Invader of Rap would have buried Todd.
KRS-One vs. Rakim, Big Daddy Kane and Kool G Rap: Maybe it was all that Crazy Glue I was huffing this afternoon, but I have a feeling that KS-One in his prime could have taken out any of these three legends in a live face-off. Ra and G Rap were never really battle specialists to my knowledge, and even though Kane wrecked a few contenders in his early days, I’ve got a feeling that the Blastmaster‘s off-the-head ability and general blood-thirsty attitude when you caught him on an off day could have been enough to knock the mighty Dark Gable onto the canvas, in the right conditions.
One of the many notable moments from the 2nd episode of The Combat Jack Radio Show was when the topic of ‘Verse of the Year’ came up. Dallas declared that Black Thought was the current holder of that title thanks to his rousing performance on ‘Walk Alone’ from How I Got Over. Despite being aware of the fact that DP has been known to carry weed for Philly’s Finest on occassion, I thought maybe I should check the album out again after having initially dismissed it as a ‘snooze-fest’. Turns out that Black Thought murders shit over some rich, moody compositions. But there’s something not quite right – the majority of the choruses are fuckin’ horrible. I’m not sure if it’s the choice of vocalists or the words, but the hooks on this record completely kill the vibe for me. To be honest, The Roots have a pretty poor track-record in this area. ‘Dat Skat’, anybody? But I’m not trying to make an example of the Hardest Working Band In Hip-Hop, because this problem is an epidemic right now.
Your arms too short to box with the God….
“A full steezie is a bitch that will suck your dick in front of your peoples. She doesn’t really care, she’ll suck your dick in front of everybody. She’ll suck all your niggas dicks…that’s basically my everyday plan. I find a new full steezie…I’m being honest with you, ‘cause I know this ain’t getting to New York, so…You know, I piss on bitches. [laughter] It’s nothing. I love full steezies. And even I like the full steezies that won’t suck everyone else’s dick, but they’ll suck your dick in front of your man. I like those, too. I’m very uncivilized. Then you got the ones that’ll suck your dick behind closed doors, all day every day. Those are cool, too. It’s all full steezies, but there’s different ways of being full steezie. That’s my everyday life. I discover a new full steezie every other day. And I like to smoke a lot of marijuana. You got marijuana?”
This was amusing…four members of the Internets Commenting Committee who were less than thrilled with my opinion on Kanye‘s song:
Everybody hearts Kanye….except for some jerk from Unkut.
Forget the misty-eyed talk of hip-hop’s ‘Golden Age’ – the 80’s were responsible for more than their fair share of horrible trends in rap music. Here are just some of them….
Gossip and rumor have always been a big part of the hip-hop game, but what was once confined to dumb rumors such as ‘Does Big Daddy Kane have AIDS’ has now become a cottage industry to itself. Every morning I have to trawl through a seemingly endless stream of emails announcing ‘Lil’ Wayne Is Pregnant To An Alien’ and ‘Diddy Sez He Didn’t Spill Egg Salad In Rick Ross‘ Beard’. I guess that kind of bullshit it to be expected from rap teenybopper gossip sites (the internets answer to Word Up! magazine?) but that mentality seems to have infected the majority of rap blogs as well. The 24-hour news cycle demands a high turn-over of content, but we really need to draw the line somewhere. Say word Drake copped a new pair of jeans?
I heard a snippet of this last night so I had to hit Doo Wop for the full version. As you might remember, Wop was GURU’s show DJ for a few tours, so had first-hand experience with the fuckery surrounding Solar, and on this song he let’s us know the science on this snake in no uncertain terms over the classic Gangstarr beat. He’s joined by T.O.N.Y. from Minnesota, “who actually sparked the idea”, according to the Bounce Master. I’ve got a feeling we’ll be hearing some more tracks with this theme in the near future…
Doo Wop & T.O.N.Y. - ‘We Got Gunz’ [Solar Diss]
The other night BFred – who threw me that guest week over at XXL way back when and currently holds it down over at Complex – assembled the opinions of a bunch of rap bloggers and assorted hacks regarding the new Eminem song. The surprising thing about the end result is that my score wasn’t the lowest, although that may explain why I only received one Twitter jab from a cracker groupie while Noz received a couple of love letters via email. Remind me to award 0.5/5 next time.
Here’s a piece that was refused publication in a print magazine I do some shit for. Too xenophobic perhaps? Or maybe there were a bunch of Bathing Ape ads all over the issue…
Is it wrong that my first impulse when penning a column for a Japanese-themed issue involves mentions of the classic ode to self-loving ‘Turning Japanese’, Nintendo DS games based around ‘witch touching’ and an obsession with schoolgirl’s undergarments? Now that we’ve got the obligatory cry of, ‘Oh, those wacky Japanese!’ out of the way, let’s proceed. If you were an independent rapper or producer in the nineties of some notoriety, there’s a good chance you cashed some checks courtesy of the place that gave us Akira. In much the same way as marginal jazz artists continued to perform and record in Europe once they experienced commercial decline in America, underground New York hip-hop dudes were courted by labels such as Next Level and Mary Joy, who released exclusive vinyl projects by everyone from Rawkus mainstay Mos Def to more obscure MC’s such as Lace Da Booms and Mike Zoot (if those names mean anything to you, please hand-in your crusty old backpack at reception). The Diggin’ In The Crates crew were even called upon to produce songs for Japanese MC’s, and the market for rare hip-hop singles went through the roof during the height of the rap craze. De La Soul – once hell bent on breaking every long-standing hip-hop tradition they could think of – even featured Kan Takagi from Major Force rapping in his native tongue on a track from their Bahloone Mindstate LP.
Photo courtesy of Fat Lace.
I just received this letter from the CEO of Tuff City, in response to some comments Funkmaster Wizard Wiz made about him in this interview:
February 1, 2010
I’m sorry that it has taken so long, but I don’t troll the net obsessively and there were some remarks by Funkmaster Wizard Wiz in your interview from February 25, 2009 that I feel I must correct.
In the early 80s before rap was a business and any of us were businessmen, Tuff City’s calculus for signing a rapper was, “Does their level of artistry make them worth the trouble?” and no artist was more trouble despite being worth it than Funkmaster Wizard Wiz.
Less than 24 hours after it was reported that DJ AM was found dead in his apartment, some douchebags have already started selling ‘tribute’ clothing, featuring played-out designs (the Run-DMC logo, AC/DC) and even quoting his final Twitter entry. As you can see from the pics, they’ve simply thrown the ‘design’ over a blank tee.
It’s not even like the money is going toward a worthy cause (such as his mother’s leukemia treatment), so let me send a big ‘Fuck you’ to Nice Tee Tee‘s and to the three
people cocksuckers who have already bought these shirts.
Even though I posted this track already, this album has been getting constant attention in the car all week, and I couldn’t help but notice Prodigy‘s verbal swipe at his former boss at the start of his verse:
‘You outta your mind, you’re not feeling this hot shit/ Who got rich and stopped trying? You must be dumb – son, look at what I’ve done, I get bags fulla stacks for the shit I does’
Remember when 50 had that brief phase where he tried to get as many respected NY veterans on his team as possible in a bid to snatch back some street-level credibility? And all that resulted was Mobb‘s most hated album and more shelf time for Bill and Fame? Neither does Curtis, obviously.
Big Twins feat. Prodigy - ‘Bacon & Cheese’