Video: A Salute to Doug E. Fresh – Scientologist
Tuesday August 04th 2015,
Filed under: Features,Harlem Nights,Sizzle-chest,Unkut TV
Written by:

Some of you may aware that Doug E. Fresh has been a member of the Church of Scientology for the last twenty years or so. Thanks to John Safron‘s Music Jamboree series from a few years back, I can now bring you footage of ‘the world’s greatest entertainer’ using his talents to celebrate the power of dianetics and hopefully wiping out a few disembodied theatans in the process. If you want to hear more, you can enjoy his two tracks recorded especially for The Golden Era Musicians and Friends The Joy of Creating album in 2001, which also featured exclusive L. Ron bangers from Issac Hayes and Chick Corea.
(more…)



Video: Czarface Will Make You Rich and Cure Herpes
Tuesday June 02nd 2015,
Filed under: Beantown,Not Your Average,Sizzle-chest,Wu-Tang Is For The Children
Written by:

Rofflecopters. I wonder if that 1800 number works?



GQ Magazine are out here sharking our whole movement
Friday May 29th 2015,
Filed under: Biters In The City,Sharking,Sizzle-chest,Stan Status,Weed Carriers
Written by:

CGKpKwiWIAEDynL

It’s almost as if this Clay Skipper guy read the entire Weed Carriers website from front-to-back and tried to act like he birthed this shit. First Google obliterated all traces of my Guide To Glo Gang Weed Carriers post after Blood Money was murdered the day after I profiled him, and now this? This is actually the second time I’ve caught the Gentleman’s Quarterly trying to claim the Weed Carrier term as their own. It’s enough to make me want to get my Fury Road on and start spitting petrol into my car engines air intake so I can cut this fuckery off at the turn. Thanks to the eagle-eyed NuJerooz for the tip.



Ho or Hoe? Finally, A Practical Use For Twitter!
Friday April 10th 2015,
Filed under: Features,Sizzle-chest
Written by:

Peasant_in_the_vegetable_garden

Here’s something from my drafts folder that I forgot to post from a couple of years ago…

For many people, Twitter is nothing more than a self­-indulgent stream of fuckybergs telling the world how many pieces of French toast they consumed at brunch. Last Monday, that all changed, after some struggle “comedian” lady finally got “sanger” Chris Brown to shut down his Twitter account following a heated exchange revolving around his previous treatment of Rihanna (of “Rihanna Plane” fame, natch). Turns out this Jenny Johnson character has been trolling C. Brown for years, and the main flaw in her argument had nothing to do with what happened to Rihanna’s face and everything to do with her misguided attempt to correct Chris’ spelling:

@chrisbrown: take them teeth out when u Sucking my dick HOE.

@JennyJohnsonHi5 It’s “HO” not “HOE” you ignorant fuck.

I found compelled to point out that there is in fact an “E” in “Hoe,” which resulted in an in­-depth academic debate between myself, rapper/producer/author/drummer J­-Zone and musical maestro/Ralph Lauren chandelier owner Just Blaze as to the correct spelling of the term according to old rap songs. While I was strongly in the “E” camp, J­-Zone produced compelling evidence that it was only when used as a plural that the “E” was required, according to most Miami and mid ­western records (Geto Boys’ “Let A Ho Be A Ho”, Willie Dee‘s “Bald Head Hoes”). Not to be discouraged, I continued to produce examples of “hoe” in the singular, while Just Blaze played tennis umpire. It was a stalemate once we established that the East Coast favoured the “E” and the West dropped it, with the fact that Too $hort used to “Pimp The Ho” until 2011, when he suddenly adapted the “E.”
(more…)



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: The Worst of Cheque Cashed Rap
Friday July 04th 2014,
Filed under: Douche Hammers,No Country For Old (Rap) Men,Sizzle-chest,Web Work
Written by:

ty2-1024x1024

Looking at some of the most painful Payola Raps in recent memory…

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: The Worst of Cheques Cashed Rap



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Rap Game Scooby Droog

SantaBigfoot

So many rap dummies, so little time…

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Rap Game Scooby Droog



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Why Does Nick Cannon Still Exist?

nick-cannon-cheetah-hair

The article where I compare Nick Cannon‘s career to Homeboys From Outer Space.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Why Does Nick Cannon Still Exist?



The Unkut Opinion: It’s Mostly (Completely) The Voice
Thursday March 20th 2014,
Filed under: Features,Shit I Don't Like,Sizzle-chest,The 90's Files,The Unkut Opinion
Written by:

pharcyde1

There may only be two rapper’s with high pitched voices who I can tolerate – Milk D from Audio 2 and Ad Rock from the Beastie Boys, who also happened to have joined forces to record “Spam,” perhaps the most ear-splitting, obnoxious and completely brilliant rap song of all time. Otherwise, I have little to know time for whiny-voiced rapper dudes, regardless of how clever their rhymes may happen to be. While many aging hip-hop fans have a special place in their hearts for groups such as Souls of Mischief and Pharcyde, to my ears their debut albums represented the musically equivalent of golf being “a good walk spoiled.” Both 93 ‘Til Infinity and Bizarre Ride II The Pharcyde featured outstanding production weighed down by some of the most annoying voices ever to rap.
(more…)



These Professional Rap Ghostwriters Will Destroy Us All, Or So They Claim
Wednesday March 12th 2014,
Filed under: Features,Internets,Jokes On You,Not Your Average,Sizzle-chest
Written by:

rap-ghostwriters-for-hire-20131

It’s recently come to my attention that a new thirst bucket company by the name of Precision Writtens is outchea harassing every second rapper on the internets to employ their services to create the ultimate rapper dude by committee. Here’s the approach they took when they pitched their “services” to $amhill:

PW Talent Agent, Tyrone Bowman: “Ive been listening to a few of your tracks and think you got a tight sound. I’m with Precision Writtens and we write very intricate rap verses for artists. You can listen to some sample verses on our website to get a sense of what we mean by intricate. I know we can help you blow up big, easy. Take a look and let us know what you think fam. Peace”

(more…)



No Country For Old (Rap) Men – Schoolboy Q and Yay

sizzurp

Welcome to the Schoolboy Era Error, as Kendrick Lamar‘s pal falls to pieces before our eyes.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men – Schoolboy Q and Yay



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Internet Rapper Graveyard
Thursday February 06th 2014,
Filed under: Internets,No Country For Old (Rap) Men,Shots Fired,Sizzle-chest,Web Work
Written by:

3327023780_f003f821eb

Throwing shots at these guys is like shooting fish in a barrel, but why should that spoil the fun?

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Internet Rapper Graveyard



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Wale – King Of Crybabies Or Misunderstood Genius?
Friday December 20th 2013,
Filed under: Internets,No Country For Old (Rap) Men,Sizzle-chest,Web Work
Written by:

wale

Pass the pacifier.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Wale – King Of Crybabies Or Misunderstood Genius?



Beast Coast vs. A$AP Mob In A Fashionista Rap Royal Rumble?
Thursday December 05th 2013,
Filed under: Shots Fired,Sizzle-chest,The 90's Files,The Unkut Opinion,Web Work
Written by:

MI0000068144

When Nas dedicated “Loco-Motive” to “all my 90’s dreaded N-word”, he had no idea of the floodgates that were about to open. Not that throwback rap is anything new, but things have apparently gotten to the stage where the Pro Era crew are now claiming that no one outside of the Beast Coast collective is allowed to shamelessly pander to nineties hip-hop nostalgia. After A$AP Mob dropped a track called “Trillmatic” the other day, over an a-typical vibed-out beat and featuring a blistering contribution from Method Man, Joey Bada$$’ manager felt a type of way and aired out the following on Twitter: “Love to see more rappers bite the pro era swank. Good shit Nast. Smh lol whats new with these “New York” negus?” To which Nast replied: “style jacking who my nigguh. 1990 born up you got us fucked up my g need to talk whatchu know” , followed by this more incenidary remark: “I GOTTA SHOW DEZ LIL NIGGUHS HOW TO REP THE 90’s FOR REAL” Roffle Harris.
(more…)



Papoose – Jive Ass Turkey
Thursday November 28th 2013,
Filed under: BK All Day,Shots Fired,Sizzle-chest,Steady Bootleggin'
Written by:

As I predicted last week, Pap took the opportunity to make a song about Trinidad James, proving that he is officially BK’s answer to The Game in that he loves to make records about people that are never going to bother to respond to him. Guess there really is something to that “minor league” shade after all.



The Guy Who Called Critical Beatdown ‘Mediocre’ Finally Fires Back

kid-tux

Back in August I called out a guy named Aaron over his series over at The Rap Up which saw him revisit a number of rap classics from the perspective of a young fan. He’s now penned a response of sorts.



No Country For Old (Rap) Men – Rap Dummy Takes Another L
Thursday November 14th 2013,
Filed under: Internets,No Country For Old (Rap) Men,Shots Fired,Sizzle-chest,Web Work
Written by:

rapdummy

Boycotting Rap Dummy will make you more attractive to women and give you six years good luck.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men – Rap Dummy Takes Another L



Macklemore Ripped-Off His Haircut From A 90’s Washington Rapper
Monday August 26th 2013,
Filed under: Art of Facts,Sizzle-chest,The 90's Files,Where Are They Now?
Written by:

brothersofthesamemind

macklemore-ryan-lewis-nordstrom

For anyone who doesn’t have pale-faced “indy” rap sensation Macklemore condemned to death by firing squad based on his musical output, this should convince you. MC Class B-Max, aka Robert Bassett Ben Saunders from The Source‘s “Unsigned Hype” winning crew Brothers Of The Same Mind can clearly be seen sporting the same “funkee” hair-do as ya boy Young Thriftshop, way back in 1991. I demand that his MTV Video Music Award be stripped from him immediately and that B-Max is paid 50% of all future royalties until said haircut is changed.

Brothers of the Same Mind – “High Brothers”
(more…)



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: How Not To Write About Old Rap
Thursday August 01st 2013,
Filed under: Internets,No Country For Old (Rap) Men,Sizzle-chest,Web Work
Written by:

sanford_big_dummy_navy_shirt

Some people shouldn’t be allowed to talk about rap in public…

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: How Not To Write About Old Rap



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Jay-Z Let Me Down…Again

3869b8c9

Finally a perfect excuse to throw massive amounts of shade towards the most jocked rapper of all time…

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Jay-Z Let Me Down…Again



Unkut TV: Episode 2 – Let Spike Down

While waiting for Big Daddy Kane to hit the stage, I spent some “quality” time with Brooklyn’s very own Spike Lee, with fairly predictable results.



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Everybody Hates Papoose

papoose_remy

There’s no need for me spend valuable mental energy penning barbs at Papoose when his own quotes provide all the ammunition required.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Everybody Hates Papoose



Dallas Penn and Combat Jack Are: The Black Odd Couple
Tuesday March 26th 2013,
Filed under: FMGI,Internets,Sizzle-chest,TV
Written by:

Famous_Oscars__Oscar_Madison_Felix_unger

During an “ideas storm” at the Fuckboi Media Group, International HQ today, one of my crack team of creatives decided to rip-off an idea based on a Mike Heron Tweet and put together an outline for a new VH-1 sit-com starring Internets Celebrities Dallas Penn and Combat Jack

Read the Season One Episode Recap Here



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Death Becomes You
Friday March 22nd 2013,
Filed under: No Country For Old (Rap) Men,Sizzle-chest,Web Work
Written by:

skate-1-1120

Ever wondered how some of today’s rapper dudes might meet their grisly demise? Me neither, but I used my Nastradamus powers to look into the future anyway.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Death Becomes You



No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Being Positive Is For Chumps
Wednesday March 13th 2013,
Filed under: No Country For Old (Rap) Men,Sizzle-chest,The Unkut Opinion,Web Work
Written by:

unicorn

The post where I rant about inspirational tweets.

No Country For Old (Rap) Men: Being Positive Is For Chumps



Video: Star Blacks-Out On A Caller

Things take a turn for the worse when one of Buc Wild‘s old weed-head buddies tries to get Star to pass on a message.