The full final results can be found here.

Following a suprisingly strong voter turnout, the 2006 Weed Carrier Awards have been decided. Thanks to the WC Squad for sppreading the word, and all the blogs that linked to this shit. Last week, Harris Publications offered me a truckload of XXL Raps CD’s in exchange for the rights to release a spin-off magazine in the tradition of Rides, Eye Candy, King and Donk (?!) called Bags. I said I’d get back to them.

Hey, Why Weren’t These Guys Nominated? – The Most Glaring Omission From Original List Award

Winner: Flipmode Squad (16%)

In a close race, Busta’s bag holders just got over the line, winning by a mere by 1% of the vote. Does this group even exists anymore? It’s worth noting that between popping out seeds, Rah Digga also carried for The Outsiderz, the forgotten group from Brick City who gave Eminem his first boom stashing gig. 1) 1. For more on “The Lyrical Nutritionist’s” weed carriers, read this.

Runner-up: Magoo (15%)

Timbo’s sidekick gave-up rapping at one stage 2) 2. His official reason was because he was booed offstage when performing to his hometown crowd. to concentrate on holding chronic. Considering that he’s clearly afflicted with down-syndrome, he’s done pretty well for himself to find employment that doesn’t involve a “sheltered workshop”.

My pick: Big Noyd

While his services may not be required anymore, since the Mobb don’t have any weed to carry now that they’re holding again, Rapper Noyd has been a loyal smoke stasher since the days of Juvenile Hell, and has even managed to release two albums and an EP of his own in between bodega runs.

Lifetime Achievement Award

470px-Memphis_bleek-01-mika

Winner: Memphis Bleek (36%)

I guess if you’re going to choose weed carrying as your career path, you could do a lot worse than holding for the Jay. Although now that’s he’s got a desk job, he wouldn’t really have much need for Bleek’s services, now would he? 3) 3. I’m guessing any trees that Mr. Carter requires would be brought in by courier service, so as to make it a tax-deductable expense.

Runner-up: Spliff Star (29%)

When you name yourself “Spliff” you’re fate is set in stone forever.

All-Time Greatest Weed Owners

The-Rza

Winner: The RZA (43%)

A very comfortable win for the mastermind behind the Wu. In my mind, his greatest trick was convincing everyone that kung-fu samples weren’t corny after The Fu-Schnickens ruined it for everybody by rapping in a flying Chinese take-out box. 4) 4. See for yourself – “Ring The Alarm”.

Runner-up: Eazy-E (32%)

My personal pick, since Eazy has not only spawned four generations of weed holders, but he’s got The Gayme holding for him beyond the grave!

We Made It – Weed Carriers That Became Weed Owners

Winner: Jay-Z (46%)

Another big win for The Jaz’s little buddy. He’s also fired more ganja movers than anybody on this list. 5) 5. Sauce Money, Amil, Foxy Brown, Young Gunz, etc.

Runner-up: Tupac (16%)

From his days as MC New York to his leg-shaking moves with Humpty Hump and co, Pac learned many things about weed owning from Shock G, and was quick to assemble his own WC’s as soon as he had the “Juice”. 6) 6. Bad pun alert!

Least Talented Weed Carriers To Release An Album

braveheartspic

Winners: The Bravehearts (21%)

In another nail-biting finish, Nas’ cheeba mules take the cake when it comes to record deal nepotisim. Naming your group after a Mel Gibson flick is never a good move.

Runners-up: St. Lunatics (20%)

I voted for Nelly‘s homies, for the simple fact that one of those kids rocks a diamond-encrusted Phantom of the Opera mask. 7) 7. Bushwick Bill did that shit ten years back, biters. Andrew Lloyd Webber, hold ya head.

MVP Cracka Carriers

rapper-everlast-singer-rap-star

Winner: Everlast (33%)

Starting out as the Rhyme Syndicate’s bag boy, Everlast took a lot of LSD, shaved his head and got in touch with his Irish roots before getting a pick-up truck and a cowboy hat, while selling a gang or records along the way. Last seen carrying for Carlos Santana.

Runners-up: The Beastie Boys (32%)

From their humble rap beginnings living of Run-DMC’s table scraps, the B-Boys soon figured out that the world of rock was an untapped weed holder resource, and started up Grand Royal records as a result.

Do Not Pass Go Or Collect $200: Weed Owners who started carrying again

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Winner: Mobb Deep (84%)

There was never any question as to who would take out this category. The other nominations were really just tacked-on for show. While they’re not selling anymore albums with the Unit, at least they get to appear in 50′s videos, which should get them a couple of sloppy seconds back stage.

MVP WC Broad Award

Winner: Lil’ Kim (45%)

The “plastic fantastic” jailbird came through in the clutch, as she not only held Biggie’s ‘dro bag, but also his rhyme book and his nut sack. Although as XXL’s head honcho pointed out, Charli Whatawhore should’ve taken this.

Runner-up: Olivia (18%)

AKA “Oliver”, this dude lady isn’t playing. I wonder if Curtis has got her on the ‘roids yet?

All-Time Greatest Shaq Weed Carrier

Winner: Kobe Bryant (49%)

A picture says a thousand words.

Runner-up: Penny Hardaway (24%)

I’ll let Elliot Wilson handle this one: “He’s a doll. Little Penny has never been the same since his giant pal jetted from Disneyland to Hollywood. Several years later, he spent most of last season riding the pine for Isiah’s team and massaging Marbury’s shoulders. That’s real funky, you flunky.”

All-time greatest/worst sibling/relative weed carrier

Winner: Ashley Simpson (42%)

Not only was her MTV show unwatchable, she’s ugly as sin. Makes Jessica sound like Sade in comparison.

Runners-up: Marlon and Shawn Wayan (28%)

White Chicks = Worst Movie Ever? 8) 8. I doubt it. But it sucked pretty bad.

Sloppy Seconds – A Weed Holding Legacy

mase

Winner: Mase (53%)

This guy is the definition of a “lost soul”. From Big L to Diddy to God to G-Unit? Way to downgrade, dude.

Medal of Honor – Most Tragic WC Death (R.I.P.)

proof_1

Winner: Proof (56%)

This was pretty tasteless, but I’ve yet to receive any angry emails from any Shady fans demanding that I remove the award. I guess awards really do bring people together.

————————————

So there you have it…..it’s worth noting that while no one threatened us with a lawsuit, Rampage The Last Boyscout‘s people sent me an angry letter demanding that he be added to the nominations for his services to Trevor Smith. 9) 9. Guess he’s got a new album coming out? I’ll let you know when and where the presentation cermony will be held.

References

1.
  1. For more on “The Lyrical Nutritionist’s” weed carriers, read this.
2.
  2. His official reason was because he was booed offstage when performing to his hometown crowd.
3.
  3. I’m guessing any trees that Mr. Carter requires would be brought in by courier service, so as to make it a tax-deductable expense.
4.
  4. See for yourself – “Ring The Alarm”.
5.
  5. Sauce Money, Amil, Foxy Brown, Young Gunz, etc.
6.
  6. Bad pun alert!
7.
  7. Bushwick Bill did that shit ten years back, biters. Andrew Lloyd Webber, hold ya head.
8.
  8. I doubt it. But it sucked pretty bad.
9.
  9. Guess he’s got a new album coming out?
  1. Mac China says:

    Genius. Just genius.

  2. silva says:

    “All-time greatest/worst sibling/relative weed carrier”

    How did every Jackson not named Janet or Michael get omitted in this? I know this was a rap thing but (jimmy from south park voice) come ON. They should get a vanguard awaward for having matching wc outfits (their noses) and all getting record deals out of it

  3. ben says:

    segue:

    shaq held for fu-schnickens for a minute. or maybe the other way round?

  4. [...] The winners of the 2006 Weed Carrier Awards have been announced.  [...]

  5. khal says:

    pure excellence. good to see quality awards being given.

  6. Big Walt says:

    ” rapping in a flying Chinese take-out box.”

    Weird, for some reason I always thought that was the Lords Of The Underground.

    Maybe they both did it?

  7. Robbie, forget a XXL blog, you need a pulitzer prize for bringing this issue to the forefront of Hip-Hop journalism.

    I have one thing to add…did you know that the guy in St. Lunatics with the mask gets AN ADVANCE ___AND___ Publishing off the records? And he’s never been recorded. Now THAT’s a good WC gig…

  8. X says:

    ELLIOT WILSON MUST DIE!!!!!!!

  9. Fresh says:

    “Robbie, forget a XXL blog, you need a pulitzer prize for bringing this issue to the forefront of Hip-Hop journalism.”

    Word. Can’t wait until next year’s award season.

  10. headlock says:

    “In my mind, his greatest trick was convincing everyone that kung-fu samples weren’t corny after The Fu-Schnickens ruined it for everybody by rapping in a flying Chinese take-out box”

    this made me ‘lol’

    Great awards and deserving winners. Next year maybe get Billy Crystal on board.

  11. Dallas says:

    I again say that this was one of the greatest posts ever, plus the post election commentary was n-i-c-e. (nullus)

  12. Hardkore says:

    You messed up on the numbering. When I press #6 on the bottom, it goes to #7, etc. Funny read, nonetheless.

  13. Robbie says:

    ^ Oh shit! Guess I need a proof-reader over here.

  14. AirAlex says:

    you cant tell me you wouldnt fuck Jessica Simpson

    otherwise hilarious

  15. Rizoh says:

    one of the most entertaining awards ever

  16. queazy says:

    So, Dallas Austin got pardoned in Dubai after having been caught and convicted for drug possession on his way to Naomi Campbell’s birthday party.

    Does this mean Dallas is carrying for Naomi?

  17. jamar says:

    who sold bud for latifah

  18. DJ G9D says:

    Shaq jetted from DisneyWORLD to hollywood, not from disneyland. Disneyland is already in CALI, Potna.
    >>

    ~DJ G9D
    WSOU

  19. Anonymous says:

    50cent stop hating on your fans that didn’t do anything to you!

  20. Blog Marley says:

    All-time greatest/worst sibling/relative weed carrier.

    I am upset over this one. How the kcuf didn’t The Jacksons win this one? Heck even one hit wonders 3T tried to get Uncle Mike’s co-sign.

  21. [...] 2. Getting my first Weed Carrier article in print (now a regular feature in Modern Fix magazine starting this month!) and the huge response to the First Annual Weed Carrier Awards. [...]

  22. [...] 2006 may come to be remembered by Hip-Hop fans as the year that the internets gave a voice to the movement. Terms like ’stan’ and ‘ether’ became active jargon within the Hip-Hop lexicon. To add to the list of additional and relevant terms was that of the ‘weed carrier’. Prior to 2006, W.C.’s were recognized only in select circles of online Hip-Hop journalism. The 2006 First Annual Weed Carrier Awards was a watershed moment for all music industry bag handlers. This is why it comes as bittersweet news that when W.C.’s finally receive some recognition it is partly because of the diminishing of their ranks. Violently. [...]

  23. [...] Saturday Night Live “Weekend Update Clip” (go to the “Weekend Update…Really?” clip at the bottom). Hopefully this means that I can secure Ron Burgandy to host the Second Annual Weed Carrier Awards. [...]

  24. [...] Memphis Bleek by far is one of the greatest weed carriers and hypemen of our time. His debut album, ‘Coming of Age’ back in ‘99 was a pretty good album, but after it’s release he has yet to drop another solid album. It’s pretty hard to believe Bleek’s career status considering his mentor is considered one of the greatest to ever step foot in the booth. Although Bleek has been living behind Jay’s shadow for years, Bleek has some pretty ill tracks/verses here and there. However, it’s too bad a good majority of them are on other people’s albums and tracks. One classic verse from Bleek is what he did in the beginnning of Jay’s Hard Knock Life LP, Intro – Hand Me Down. He murdered it. [...]