Soap Opera Rap

It seems that every other week a new Rap Genre emerges from someone’s twisted imagination. Since it’s been almost a year since the first Unkut Guide on the subject, it ain’t no mystery that a lot of effed-up new styles have appeared. Without a doubt, the most prominent would have to be the Soap Opera Rap movement. This hideous new breed of cRap is the mutated step-child of Wrestlemania Rap, which was started by Melle Mel when he stole Mikey D’s NMS belt and finally perfected by Curtis aka 50 Cent and his endless beefs with other rappers who he eventually makes shitty songs with (see: 50 & Jadakiss’ appropriately named ‘Dump‘).

The first sign that you may be listening to a Soap Opera Rapper are the excessive emotional displays that go above and beyond what is considered acceptable. Sure, it was kind of refreshing to hear kids like Kurious Jorge, Souls of Mischief and The Pharcyde reveal the more fragile side of the male ego from time to time, as a relief to the usual macho heroics that we’d come to expect from rapper dudes. But when you’re entire public persona is based upon bitch-made emotional outbursts, Twitter melt-downs and weekly suicidal thoughts, it’s time to check yourself. Worse still are the music fans who enable this behavior by supporting this foolishness. Have we sunk so low that rap beef can now be sparked over a reference to throwing a ’round wallet’?1 The other sure-fire signal that you’re tuned into some Days Of Our Lives Rap is the music, which will tend to be either some depressing dirge or hollow ‘throw-up-ya-lighter’ slacker anthem vibe, which inevitably equals weak drums and limp synths.

It was one thing to laugh at douche-hammers rocking skin-tight jeans, but teh ghey clothing is no stranger to the rap world. It’s the super-sensitive nature of these pussies that is of real concern, however. Even the old-timers like MC Hammer seem to have been infected by this type menstral behavior, what with crying himself to sleep juts ‘cos he got name-dropped by S Dot Carter. Imagine if LL tried to drop a song like ‘Pink Cookies In A Plastic Bag’ in this day and age? “Rub ya down with warm Ice-T, make ya feel Brand Nubian in-stant-ly/ Boogie Down and check this Production, gimme them lips they look good for suction”. According to the modern day crybaby doctrine, KRS-One should have threatened to feed Uncle L to the lions, live on Ustream. That’s not to say that all rappers have to be heartless bastards to get any airtime at the offices of the East Coast Elitists, but it sure as hell helps. As does not singing…

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  1. 1. See: Kid Cudi vs. Wale. On second thoughts, don’t bother.[back]

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Listenin to ‘Tha Blaqprint’ right now; waiting on ‘Get Used To Us’…. Reading this; and feeling GREAT about my choices in life!

Comment by bboycult 11.18.10 @

what song are those lyrics from?

Comment by Nasir 11.18.10 @

“Pink Cookies In A Plastic Bag (Gettin’ Crushed By Buildings)” was an appallingly horrible song title.

Comment by TokyoSexwale 11.19.10 @

I agree, its cool to pour your heart out on certain songs or give em some emotion, but theres a difference between occasionally doing so and straight crapping up your career to fit into the twilight hannah montana justin beiber 90’s female r&b set.

Sometimes I’ll be listening to a rap song and nodding my head to the dope beats and rhymes and then some whiny bitch starts singing and I change tracks with no second thoughts. The only person singing hooks or choruses I won’t change the track on is Tekitha on some Wu shit.

Comment by gstatty 11.19.10 @

hollow ‘throw-up-ya-lighter’ slacker anthem vibe = eminem’s recent shitty singles

Comment by beanoo617 11.19.10 @

Look, it’s basically this simple – if you’re good at making music you can make good music about wideranging subject matter and touch on a broad spectrum of human emotions. If you’re bad at making music, you’re going to create bad music regardless of the topics or emotions you attempt to explore. If you’re a shitty rapper trying to emulate Jay-Z, you can try to thug yourself out and make a shitty version of Streets is watching, try to ball out and make a shitty version Can’t Knock the Hustle, or get all introspective and make a shitty version of Regrets, Lucky Me, or You Must Love Me.

So, the flavor of shitty rap is shifting from shitty thug anthems, to shitty odes to the lifestyles of the rich and famous, now to shitty emo rap. Shitty music is shitty music. So, yawn.

Comment by digglahhh 11.19.10 @

Yo, about time I heard someone say that shit. Kid Cudi is fucking gay to say the least. All these young cats think he’s nice and shit. To me, he’s wack AND pussy. I partly blame Kanye for that shit. Just because it’s radically different doesn’t mean it’s nice. WTF is wrong w/ these kids man.

Comment by EMO Rap Stars 11.19.10 @

2nd what digglahhh said

Comment by eric nord 11.19.10 @

growin’ up in the golden age, i gravitate towards that east coast boom bap. and, for the most part, i don’t feel much of the new ish out these days. that being said, i like Cudi. don’t care much for the clones he has spawned, but i bump his ish regardless. that’s why i agree with digglahhh in that good music (to me) is good music. wack is wack. and Roc Marci will save the east coast for us older heads…

Comment by Goodwill Hunter 12.01.10 @

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