Since Wiz Khalifa abandoned his backpack to become the poster-child for Cheech and Chong Rap, his Taylor Gang has become hip-hop’s answer to The Grateful Dead. When every single thing you rap about it revolves around weed, it’s extra important to have a solid team of kush carriers to keep that $10,000 worth of monthly loud safe. It took Wiz a while to catch on to the whole concept of being Weed Owner, as he was bagged back in 2010 for a tour bus full of the stuff in North Carolina and had to pay $300,000 in bail while his nine weed carriers were also locked-up, while he was again nabbed in Nashville last year after stinking up the Holiday Inn. Clearly, the Wiz has a lot to learn about being a Weed Owner. We’re assuming that Wiz’s forthcoming Converse line will feature a removable sole for stashing purposes.
Juicy J
Juicy J was recruited into the Taylor Gang in an attempt to offer some sage advice to Wiz, who is still struggling with his role as Weed Owner. J, who was schooled by his brother Project Pat in many of life’s sciences and somehow managed to snag himself an Oscar for a “Best Original Song” during his time in Three 6 Mafia, also put in some fine work on VH-1’s Famous Food (aka their lowest rating show ever), where decided to get Ol’ Dirty Bastard drunk the night of that the restaurant opened and started throwing chairs around. Clearly Juicy J isn’t actually carrying weed for Wiz, but is operating more in a Tom Hagen from The Godfather type of advisory role to help Wiz avoid another arrest. That and the fact that he’s usually far too drunk to hold anything anyway,
Chevy Woods
Originally called Kev Tha Hustla, Chevy has quickly established himself as the Spliff Star to Wiz’s Busta, and has been justly rewarded by his boss appearing in a few of his videos and songs, which gets him 50,000 views on the strength of stoner stans. With a rapping ability which is passable (if you’re feeling generous) but no actual charisma or discernible character of his own, Chevy has little chance of ever owning his own weed or outshining Wiz. Considering how important it is to get blazed as a Taylor Gang member, Chevy has a punishing work schedule, which may explain why he wasn’t around to take the fall for Khalifa in Nashville.
Lola Monroe
Lola holds an Ethiopian passport, which is always handy if she needs to flee the country at some point. Seems to be able to rap pretty well as far as Broad Rap goes, and she appeared in a biopic about Wendy Williams called Queen of Media with Robin Givens starring as the mannish lead, although despite having started production in 2008 it doesn’t seem to have ever been released. Seeing as though she had a baby with a guy called King Los, who has been holding weed for Diddy off and on since he was sending dudes off on cheesecake runs, she now has the opportunity to stash weed in diaper bags and baby carriages, which is the last place the cops are going to look, right?
Berner
I think this guy’s a Mexican, but he looks like a white dude, which is always a bonus. He got his start selling smoke from the coffee shop he was working at in the Bay, and now gets to carry dope plants on stage for Wiz. Bonus points for having a weed-related rap handle. This guy really sucks at rapping but apparently can slam a beer bong like a motherfucker, which seems to be an important part of the role.
Tuki Carter
Allegedly this character also doubles as a “tattoo artist” of some description, which is a good excuse to carry random bags around under the guise of it being his equipment. Tuki also thought that calling his mixtape Atlantafication. David Duchovny, hold ya head.
Courtney Noelle
Token R&B vocalist. “I’m trying to bring back SWV, TLC, those types of records. Where there was more love instead of this other stuff”. By “other stuff” you mean “weed”, right? She got to sing on the O.N.I.F.C., and has been holding bags for Wiz since they were sixteen, so she clearly knows how to carry kush.
Will Dzombak
Will act’s as Wiz’a “tour manager”, and looks “respectable white” in a way that Berner can’t seem to pull off. This allows his to transport trees in briefcases, speaker stacks and DJ coffins with minimal interference from the cops, and is especially useful when the crew are touring “the bible belt”. Also goes by the name of Gangsta Will when he’s feeling extra gully.
Big Lonn
Lonn is on deck to drink any frat boys under the table, bust some heads and carry lots and lots of loud. He describes himself as “one of Wiz’s ninja shhhh” and declares that “I Luv Weed and Women”.
Sledgren
A producer for the crew who was recognized by XXL Mag as a “Freshman Producer” pick of 2011 and Complex’s “23 Producers To Watch” in 2012. Sledgro was “given the moniker after former NFL star Edgerrin James”, and is no doubt a useful part of the Weed Carrying entourage although history has shown that producer’s are far less reliant on their Weed Owner and can easily jump ship when they need to, so it’s best not to rely on them too heavily.
Cardo
Another beatmaker, Cardo “started making beats on MTV Music Generator on the PS1, me and my brother”. Since he’s worked a lot outside of the crew, the same applies to him as far as being largely relieved of any Weed Carrying duties as long as he can continue to deliver the tracks.
Bonus Weed Carriers: Ritz Cracker, Moto, C. Reid.
Former Carriers:
Neako
According to some Kanye West fansite forum, which is clearly the most reliable source of information for a professional journalist such as myself, here’s what happened:
“He had his own set as well “LVLYSL/ZebraGang” so he repped them more than TaylorGang, but the main reason is him and Chevy Woods didnt get a long at all. Chevy said “**** ZebraGang” to a follow on twitter who asked him about it during the SXSW. Neako was performing at SXSW as well. So he caught wind of it from followers. He tweeted Chevy to meet up at some spot there to settle it(fight). Chevy said he’d be there but he never showed up. After that Neako left from TaylorGang”.
The Verdict: Big Lonn is clearly the MVP WC here. Unlike Chevy Wood, Lonn has no apparent desire for the spotlight or in fact any ambition at all outside of drinking heroic quantities of booze, smoking loud and trying to convince female Wiz fans to sleep with him in exchange for a pair of Khalifa’s jeans, as immortalized by Turtle from Entourage.