Since the term “weed carrier” originated and developed almost purely around athletes getting caught with weed at airports, I figured I would point this story out. The National Football League has launched an investigation regarding Vikings running back Onterrio Smith, who was briefly detained late last month at Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport after police found several vials of white powder in his luggage. The powder was dried urine, part of a kit called “The Original Whizzinator” that was created to foil tests for illegal drugs. He didn’t get caught with weed, but he might as well have. If the NFL decides to punish Smith it could be costly, as Smith already has two strikes in the NFL’s substance abuse program, including a four-game suspension last season for marijuana. A third strike calls for a one-year suspension.
This man needs to take drastic action immediately. Smith has only been in the NFL for two years, and he already has two drug-based suspensions levied against him, with a third one obviously on the way. In 2000, Smith was also kicked off the University of Tennessee football team for marijuana use. In 2001, Smith was arrested for drunken driving. He was under 21 at the time, and was driving with a suspended license.
Unfortunately for Smith, a weed carrier may be of little use. He has never been caught with marijuana on his person, but rather, only in his system. And he may not be able to afford a weed carrier anyway on his (relatively) meager $380,000 a year salary.
So here’s my advice Onterrio: Find an affordable weed-carrier anyway. They are of tremendous use and provide countless hours of company in airports and during police searches of your car. Hell, you might be able to find a fanatic Vikings fan who will carry your weed for under $10 an hour. You also might want to find someone who looks just like you to take your drug tests, since the NFL is obviously aware that you are taking advantage of the whizzinator.