A Salute To Weed Carriers

Last July, I penned a piece dedicated to the the fall of the Greatest Weed Carrier Of All Time (GWCOAT) when Consequence left his position as Kanye West‘s chief Weed Holder. Here’s an excerpt:

Cons got his break as cheeba stasher on account of being Q-Tip’s cousin. For his loyal service he was rewarded with some mush-mouthed airtime on Beats, Rhymes and Life and that other shitty album they made before the break-up in 1998. Now for most weed carriers, that would have been all she wrote and Consequence would have moved on to the natural career progression of handing out the complimentary air fresheners at the local car wash. But not this plucky little upstart! He had the self-belief to become a Weed Owner himself one day, and managed to parlay himself a solo deal over at Elektra records, where he proceeded to rot on the shelf for six or so years. Even this dead-end failed to discourage him, and by 2005 Cons had managed to weasel his way into Kanye West’s entourage and commence tree transporting duties.

This in itself is an extraordinary achievement, as not only did Cons manage to find a second Weed Owner to carry the ‘dro for (a rare enough feat to begin with), he actually carried weed for two generations of rappers! That’s major. And not some D-list rappers either – the effin’ A-grade! As a result of this vision and dedication to the cause, I had no hesitation in naming Consequence as the GOAT Weed Carrier back in 2010. But less than a year later, Kanye had to go and fuck shit up for everybody by neglecting his most valuable drug mule and leaving his second album on the back-burner just a little too long. As a result, he quit his weed holding duties and broke north, ending the greatest Weed Carrying run ever.

Since then, Cons has been burning bridges and punching other rappers on a disturbingly regular basis. It turns out that he had a whole list of shit that he wasn’t happy about over at G.O.O.D. Music, including the fact that Kanye didn’t send him a card when his son was born and possibly something involving Big Sean taking his parking space. He then claimed that he had been covering for Kanye while he was seeing smashing Kim Kardashian while she was still married and asserted that he has been ghost-writing for his Weed Owners since way back in his Tribe Called Quest days. Throw in some snide remarks involving Pusha-T and insisting that Q-Tip is no longer his cousin on account of him “talking like a girl”, and the GOAT WC has well and truly ensured that he will never carry another bag in the rap game for the next hundred years, unless his wifey Jen The Pen decided to pick up the mic and start dropping bars of fury.

Where to from here? Cons has now been reduced to sneak-attacking Joe Budden at the taping of the Love and Hip-Hop reunion special, getting snuffed by Joe’s old gal Tahiry as he fled the scene and later accosted by Budden’s weed holders as he attempted to get into a car. Last I heard he was calling into radio stations, reading out allegedly suspect text messages from someone called “Derrick” from Joe’s phone, which he was able to pocket while he was copping a beating and subsequently broke after he read the contents. A sad end to the best to ever to it. While Cons prepares for his inevitable wrestling career, who can we look to to claim the throne now? The rest of this week will be dedicated to assessing the potential of the new generation of Weed Carriers and attempting to predict if there is anybody worthy to potentially hold bags over two eras of rap…